At the "Refuse to Sit Down" Table!

Beatin' The Odds!

“Well she grabbed me and asked me,

If I had a name,

She told me she was interested to see,

If I could play the game,

She said her name was Victory,

She didn’t want to know the rules,

That’s just the way I wanted to play,

In a game designed for fools!

We were beatin’ the odds, we were beatin’ the odds,

We were beatin’ the odds again,

We were playin’ with the Devil,

We were playin' to win,

We were beatin’ the odds again!

Well I rolled the dice feelin’ cold as ice,

And Victory drew the cards,

We knew that losin’ when the stakes were high,

Could really hit us hard,

I strapped into the drivers’ seat,

With Miss Victory by my side,

She knew at a glance she was takin’ a chance,

By coming ‘long for the ride!

We were beatin’ the odds, we were beatin’ the odds,

We were beatin’ the odds again,

We were playin' with the Devil,

We were playin' to win,

We were beatin’ the odds again!"

As my Guru said, “Your first 100 times on stage don’t count!” Well, that’s 17 down ...83 to go! I can’t speak for anyone else ...but I sure hope I’m there for my 101st! You’re all invited ...I’m just not sure when or where that event will be. After last night I’m a little saddle sore ...time to get off my high horse! She said her name was “Victory”, but ...that was either a pseudonym ...or ...she came up lame! In either event ...you dance with the horse what brung ya’!

It was a Riotous Assembly! My bride and I arrived about 8:30, and there were, perhaps, 70 people in attendance. By show time, people were turning themselves back at the doors! It was just that packed! When I slipped outside for a smoke, ‘slipped’ was the operative term; you nearly had to grease yourself up to wedge yourself through the crowd! Standing room only ...and that was scarce! Sweaty! No heating bill for Vangelli’s last night! Even the ‘coolest’ comics threw more beads than a New Orleans balcony at Mardi Gras!

I drew the #4 slot. First off the line was our, ‘Knight of Much Menace’. He repeated the ‘newspaper’ routine which I have described before ...with similar effect! Reception was the only ‘cool’ thing in that room.

Hate to mix medieval metaphors, but, next out of the gates was, Friar Tuck. Third time on a comedy stage, and much improved over his first. Well received ...and much appreciated! His third time on stage, and, ...I for one ...look forward to his 101st!

Next was, ‘Sir Trent O’ Paisley’; he showed his set ...and showed it very well! This was his second time on stage ...and no sloppy seconds! Very well done, and much improved over his first! Once again ...a 101st to anticipate!

Listing into the lists next was, ‘Sir Limp-A-Lot’, who floundered down the course on his mis-named steed, “Victory”. The only thing drier than his material and delivery was the audience’s positive response! The lack of applause was deafening! ...at least ...I couldn’t hear it!

"With age a man’s mind naturally turns,

To RRSP’s, Stocks & Bondage!

Took my Bride to an exclusive

S&M Dungeon!

Call it a, ‘Cat House’,

They got lots of Cats,

Each of them Cats,

Has Nine Tails!

Genuine ‘Weapons of Ass Destruction!’"

Next out of the gates, was our own, ‘Crown Prince’; just like a greyhound ...all ribz & nutz! A flawless delivery of his material, and ...just as flawlessly received! He’s a crowd pleaser, our Prince Charming.

Then was the turn of, ‘Sir Sass O’ Toon Town’, and a star turn it seemed to me. His material was very good, varied and very well delivered. It was an awkward crowd last night, and part of the awkwardness could be accounted for the fact that the TV cameras took up so much of the room at the front of the stage. At the back of the tavern, people were crowded cheek to jowl ...this seemed to tend to them to begin talking among themselves...something that, once begun ...was difficult to rectify!

Then came our own, ‘Knight of the Dark Countenance’, and his was a great performance. He took notes on stage with him again ...but it didn’t seem to affect his delivery. He toned down his attitude this time, and later explained it to me as, “boosting his likability”. It did seem to work for the audience ...for myself ...I think I preferred the cocky stridence I’d noted before. All told ...very well delivered and received!

Last, and by no means least, was ‘Sir Lot’s O’ Laughs’; I have no desire to quibble with our honourable judges, but, if a Champion was to be declared at this event ...this would be the man. Great material and a perfectly seamless delivery; indeed, well done!

The show was opened and closed by the ‘Master’ ...and a masterful presentation it was! I would change his nick name to ‘Merlin’, because the man is a sorcerer, and last night’s set was a spellbinder! But, it will remain, for now, the ‘Master’, even as I remain ...the sorcerer’s apprentice! Good stuff!

When it was over, we contestants were lined up and critiqued in, “American Idol” style. I was addressed by the, ‘Black Knight’, and, fond as I was of this fellow before, after his remarks I was ...fonder still! ...and so I remain! His evaluation was fairly detailed, and I won’t go into that detail; suffice it to say that I recall ...”not a bar act” ...”deadpan” ...and, “poetry”.

The winners were:

Myles Morrison

Anthony Trombetta

Joel Jeffrey

Sir Limp-A-Lot
(...and his Noble Steed, 'Victory')

"Time and space stood still that day,

With Victory’s soul and mine,
We were running a race between heaven and hell,
And we couldn’t find the finish line,
And when it was all over we won it in the end,
We were splittin’ the prize when she opened her eyes,
And said Baby let’s try it again!"


We were beatin’ the odds, we were beatin’ the odds,
We were beatin’ the odds again,
We were playin’ with the Devil,

We were playin' to win,
We were beatin’ the odds again!"

Molly Hatchet

I was thinking of sending, “Victory” to the glue factory, because, while, originally she smelled of success ...turns out I was sniffing glue! However, our ‘Court Jester’ told me that, this Sunday, there’s a show in Aberdeen; like ‘Victory’ said ...”Let’s try it again!”