A Little Dry Whine!

E.I. Clerk: Occupation?

Comicus: Stand-up Philosopher.
E.I. Clerk: What”
Comicus: Stand-up Philosopher. I coalesce the vapours of human experience into a viable and meaningful comprehension.
E.I. Clerk: Oh, a *bullshit* artist!
Comicus: *Grumble*...
E.I. Clerk: Did you bullshit last week?
Comicus: No.
E.I. Clerk: Did you *try* to bullshit last week?
Comicus: Yes!

Mel Brooks: "History of the World, Part 1"

It was another interesting evening at Vangelli’s Tavern. There were only about 100 in attendance, with a good array of Stand-up Philosophers. I was particularly pleased to see our own, “Comic Errant”, (Sir Lots O’ Laughs), enter the lists on his high, white horse; he’s been doing stand-up for 7 years now, and is quite good.

The crowd was slow to build and we didn’t begin till about 10:00 pm, and I got the #4 slot. The first fellow up was, ‘Sir Lots O’ Laughs’, and he gave a strong, polished performance; most of his material I’d seen several times over the last year. I’m not being critical when I say that; most agree that a ‘set’ isn’t worth seeing till after its tenth run through before an audience.

Next was a fellow who was out the week before. He told me before his set that he was doing 80% brand new material. It was good material, and delivered in a smooth professional manner, but, for some reason, did not elicit much response from the audience. This comic is an actor, who studied drama in university, and has an audition this weekend for this summer’s, ‘Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan.’

Third was the fellow I described last week as dressed in, ‘Biker Chic’; this week he wore a business suit. I’d seen him arrive with his girlfriend, sit down, and start working through a newspaper, underlining headlines. His act was to take the paper up on stage, riff on each of the headlines in turn, and toss the individual sheets on the stage behind him. Great self confidence, but, neither preparation nor polish; the audience slipped into a coma!

I was to go on then, but the ‘Court Jester’ asked me if I’d mind if he put, ‘The Master’, on for a few minutes to administer to the audience a little, much needed, “Mouth to Funny Bone Resuscitation!” In just a few moments they were, ‘good to go!’

Then I was on, and it was kinda’ fun. Never ask the audience for sympathy; it’s the kiss of death, but, can be a fun concept to play with. I got two good laughs right off the mark, and then took a few seconds to wallow in apparent self pity; the results were interesting.

“I don’t know about these Comedy Contests..

Last week I was blown off stage!

Up to that point I’d had great eye contact with the audience; after that second line it quickly disappeared!

“...Ya’ gotta’ love our Comic Groupies!”

Beautiful reaction! The tension that had developed instantly, just as quickly, evaporated! I had eye contact again, and a great long laugh! The race was on! My material on the Globe and Mail article was well received and I was astounded that nobody had heard of it. The CBC had mentioned it several times during the day, and my Bride had heard about it when she arrived home. Even, ‘The Master’ was surprised; he said that he remembered someone phoning for an interview, but hadn’t heard anything since.

Next up was a fresh face with lots of friends in the crowd. His personality was great, his professionalism unapparent, and his grasp of the language seldom exceeded four letters. All told, pretty good for a first time!

I missed the next comedians. I hadn’t intended to, but, after my set I began to get my things together, (never underestimate the importance of a quick get-a-way when you’re telling lousy jokes!), when I noticed that my keys were missing! I found them out in the parking lot ...locked in my car along with my cell phone!

Final results for the evening were much as I’d anticipated; the young fellow after me took first place, and second place was a tie between our ‘Comic Errant’ and the gentleman from B.C. I’d missed the latter’s set while out trying to figure out how to remedy my car problem, but, from what I’ve seen, in my opinion his humour is the most to my taste of all.

When I ran my recorded set past my ‘PAR’ program I was pleased to find that I had 180 seconds of positive audience response, giving me a ‘PAR’ score of 29% with 18 seconds of laughter per minute.

Minute           Number of laughs           Seconds of laughter



1                                 4                                     17



2                                 5                                      11



3                                  7                                      20



4                                 8                                       18



5                                 8                                        20



6                                 7                                         11



7                                 6                                          21



8                                 6                                          15



9                                 4                                           13



10                               5                                           19

Just to get a comparison, I recorded the set of, ‘Sir Lot’s O' Laughs’, ran it by my program, and found he had, last night, a ‘PAR’ score of 19% with an average of 11 seconds of laughter per minute. To be fair, he’s a pro who’s been doing this for years; to be even fairer, his set was much more professional and polished than my own. Most important, I enjoyed myself. I did my, 'Shake Hands With The Devil', routine, got to howl like a wolf, explain the '68 position and do a little commentary on the Bible! Overall, I was quite happy with the entire evening!

I must also extend Kudos to the, 'Court Jester' in recognizing, and awarding, the tie for second place. As he said himself;

 "I could have lied about it, but, I told the truth, and it cost me $50.00."

Well done!