Foolish Resolution!

A slow week in Saskatoon comedy wise; the Master tried to generate enthusiasm For a ‘clean’ comedy show on Boxing day, but, everybody is too caught up in the Holidays to respond on such short notice. So, there will be two venues available to me this coming week: Beily’s on Monday, and, the Fez on Tuesday. Beily’s has been pulling a small crowd every night, (it would be a ‘big crowd’ in a smaller room.), and I have no way of predicting how attendance will be at he Fez.


I began this venture by saying that I would do stand-up one hundred times, and I have apx. fifty appearances to go. I have no doubt in my mind that I’ll be able to get them in between now and June, still ...I find myself champing at the bit. However, “Be it resolved that this Fool will do fifty more appearances A.Q.A.P!

It will be interesting to see how the Fez pulls through; the facility is acceptable, but you really need people in the audience to make things work, and I don’t know if they can draw the people. For the sake of Myles, and, of course ....myself, I hope that it works.

On the possibility that the Fez does not work out, I do have a back-up plan, one that might get me a little more stage time. I have been talking to the management of a bar, and they are willing to have a comedy night under the auspices of yours’ truly. It has a far better set up than the Fez, and isn’t as cavernous as Beily’s.

But, I must bide my time, as it is right across the street from Myles’ new room at the Fez. I don’t want to be in competition with other comedians for crowds at this time; I’d far rather see Myles do well than two have both ventures wallow into irrelevance! Just as important as the crowds, are the comics, ...we don’t really have enough in Saskatoon to form two separate markets; theirs barely enough talent to see one venue stay fresh and interesting. I don’t include Beily’s in my calculations as it is at a different area of town, and draws a different audience.

We have 250,000 people living in Saskatoon, you’d really think that we could keep two places going on a weekly basis. I don’t count the Parktown, as it is primarily pros, and they go to a different town every week, ...they also have a dedicated following that comes back week after week.

The worst that can happen is that I end up with two venues per week, and, realistically, that’s a big improvement over last year. The best? Well, I could end up hosting my own room! That, although bringing a host of new problems, would be great. Ah well, ...a Fool can dream!

A Fool Un-Fezed!

Tuesday evening I decided to check out, and do a Christmas set, at Saskatoon’s newest comedy room, ‘The Fez’. The room itself was started by friend and comic, Myles Morrison, and had only been active for three nights. I arrived at the address at 8:50 and descended a long, narrow flight of stairs into a gloomy basement. Immediately I spied three figures chatting with each other; two looked like members of the band, ‘Spinal Tap’, and the other, less ‘exotic’, turned out to be the bartender. The rest of the room was vacant.


The room itself was interesting in a very ‘Hard Rock’ sort of way; the high ceiling was a maze of water pipes and furnace ducts. The highlight of the room was a huge stage, set up and accoutered for enthusiastic rock bands. The room itself was large, and split into three sections, of which the middle section addressed the stage, and was separated from it by only the dance floor. In retrospect I can only presume that the light and sound systems were state of the art.

Within moments I was joined by Myles; I’d been anxious to find out how he’d made out in Los Angeles. Myles told me that the scene there was interesting, and so awash with hopeful comics that a person might have to apply 3 – 4 weeks in advance for a five minute set at one of the many open mikes! The talent, as it were, formed an interesting spread, from very poor to very good, with little or nothing in between! The reason for this, according to Myles, was that it was composed almost entirely from comics with less than one years experience, or people with five or more years. What happened to all those years in between? Many had given up in disgust, but the rest were elsewhere looking for venues where they could get more stage time! L.A. is awash with comic ambition!

Myles, with the help of contacts, was able to get on a couple of good shows, at least one of which was televised. Even then the competition is so keen, that, for each comic willing to work for money, there are twenty who’ll do it for free. It’s just such similar odds that keep hookers looking for paying customers!

By this time we’d been joined by, “Junior”, the rising star in our Saskatoon comic community, who just recently took second place in Beily’s comedy contest, and a young fellow from Vancouver who’s been doing stand-up for about a year. Myles regaled us with stories of vicious heckling in some of Saskatchewan’s rougher bars. The best was of when he and the Master had been in a place so far out in the boonies that civilization was held, locally, to be a myth, wishful thinking, or an outright lie!

On the evening in question the Master had been doing a little cross-cultural provocation when one of the members of the audience took verbal offense! The heckler stood up, and turned out to be a red headed individual of the extra-largish variety, with a thick Scottish, (...and we both know how they can be!), accent! Somehow the offended member was soothed and re-seated. In no time, however, our hapless Master had managed to insinuate an offending barb beneath the Caledonian’s plaid ass! My Haggis breathed brethren aren’t renowned for their linguistic diplomacy, and this one, having tried once and failed, quickly reverted to the more physical variety! He charged the stage!

Myles said that he’d been concerned for the Master’s well being, but the Master slowed the barbarian’s charge with a well placed boot in the throat! This might have ended the encounter, except that those of Highland heritage often eschew such gentle chiding; in seconds the red giant was off the floor, and had the Master down on the stage trying to gauge his eyes out with his thumbs! By that time the cavalry, (in the form of Myles and the Hotel bouncers), arrived, and with a forceful appeal to reason, removed the enraged patron from their patronage! The Master dusted himself off, and, with a smile to the audience, explained that it was difficult to be funny immediately after being violent; the show went on.

By this time two more comics had shown up from Vancouver, so, we had a full house ...of comics, but ...no audience! The Hard Rock, Spinal Tappers were the only two besides ourselves, and comedy might never penetrate skulls thickened by so many years of head bangin’. So the show was called off, and we comics slunk away to our various destinations.

No Fool Like a Snow Fool!

Took a little 1800 mile jaunt to Toronto, Ontario, last weekend, or, as the locals in Saskatchewan refer to it, ‘the center of the universe’, and they don’t mean that in an admiring way! Thirty miles of driving each way just don’t leave much time for an extended social call. The roads through Northern Ontario can be difficult this time of year, and, while we were there, areas surrounding Toronto got six feet of snow! That has the look of the winters I knew as a kid, and haven’t seen in years! It’s enough to frost your pumpkins.

We took my van and saved on hotel bills by sleeping in it and preparing most of our meals. Not as bad as it sounds; my van has a king size bed, a kitchen, furnace and washroom facilities! No snow tires though, and that would be something I’d think of for next time. We had to stop four hours early one day on the way there; it was four-thirty in the afternoon and we got hit by freezing rain. When we saw more vehicles in the ditch than on the highway than on the road we knew it was time to camp for the evening!

Our first roadside sleepover the temperature hit -30 C, with a wind chill of -37. Inside our RoadTrek we were comfortable, even to the point of turning off the furnace when we crawled under our pile of comforters. My Bride and Damn’d Dimwit Terror travelled ‘Doggie Style’, by which I mean, I’d start driving about 7:00 am, and they’d stay in bed ‘til about noon.

Ontario was much like it was two years ago when I was last there, except they had more snow and less employment. I had intended to break away from friends and family evenings and hit a few comedy clubs, but, that turned out to be easier said than done. So, now I’m back home, it’s time to get my nose back to the comedy grindstone!