...When You're Weeping!

“Oh where’s you sense of humour gone?

Big deal, you’re back against the wall!

It’s never over, when you can savour,

That danger pressed against your chest,

The knee that’s in your groin.

We all get trapped by character.

Shedding your skin can make it worse.

But what’s your worry?

No need to hurry,

Oh, we can blow it all today,

And tomorrow we’ll rehearse.

‘Cause there’s no greater glory,

When it all gets Hairy,

Than to be laughing in the midst of it all!”

Doug & The Slugs,

“When You’re Laughing”

‘Cognac and Bologna’

Well, another night at Vangelli’s has come and gone; the comic detritus once again swept up and tossed. I was better prepared, or so I thought, than ever. I’d rehearsed my 61/2 minutes so often that my poor dog, Claymore, had retreated under the couch! It would be 8 minutes, but Claymore doesn’t get my jokes, so no laughs! In fact, he seems somewhat alarmed at my sporadic outbursts, and, seeing no one else is in the house, assumes they are directed at him! The poor little fellow’s self esteem; he can’t think of what he’s done wrong, so feels it best to get out of wrath’s way!

A small crowd last night; perhaps 70 people in all. It appeared that no one had brought their fan club this evening. That’s too bad; I do enjoy a packed house. But it was a good crowd; we had a large group of physics students from the university and they were fun. When I’d got myself established, I nipped out for a smoke. There were two ladies outside for the same reason. My lighter wouldn’t work, and I felt that that hearkened poorly for the evening. Then a lighter snapped under my nose, proffered by one of the two. I thanked her, remarking that she’d saved me from wearing a groove in my thumb! “Most men don’t have those,” was her reply. “What’s that,” I asked, “Thumbs?” “No,” said the young lady, “Grooves!” Sorry, I had to laugh! “Well,” said I, “I have one ...but she couldn’t come tonight ...my fault really!” Everyone’s a comedian!

Inside the show began; good line up of comics, but, really only three in the contest. First up was a young fellow from Regina. I felt bad for him; he had prepared material, and you could tell just how much it mattered to him, but he just couldn’t come to terms with the audience last night. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him.

Next up was a fellow in the radio industry. He began by saying that he hadn’t done stand-up for over a year. He had some very funny stuff, and the audience certainly seemed to like him. Didn’t get a chance to talk to him either, but, ‘The Master’, later told me that he’d often worked with him on the comedy stage.

Then, it was my turn, and I gave it my best. Things were going fairly well, then, half way through my set, I blanked! Can’t explain why it happened; can’t begin to describe such a horrid sensation. I paused then repeated my last line. Nothing! You cannot stop! The real pro’s can switch horses mid-stream when something goes awry; sorry to say, I’m no pro, if I’m to dance it’s with the horse I rode in on! I threw out something random; nothing again. I re-repeated my last line, and ...it caught, and I was off and limping!

I riffed on one of the, ‘Court Jester’s’ earlier lines, and got a great response. Before I’d went on I’d noticed, ‘The Master’, sitting front and center at a table with five young ladies. I had a line just for him. Before I could deliver it, though, he disappeared! Afterwards I told, ‘The Master’, how he’d confounded my plan, to which he replied: “Yeah! I know when you guys get up there you’ll be making fun of me ...so I go hide at the bar!” So, I had an undelivered line that was just crying for a destination, and, ‘Sir Lot’s o’ Laughs’, was sitting off to one side. He was not feeling well last night, and I hated to disrupt him, but I fired that line anyway and got a great audience response. After my set our, ‘Knight Errant’, did get up and deliver a great set despite his fever; you gotta’ love a capable comic ....no matter how sick!

I did get a chance to talk to last week’s 1st place winner and, as I’d suspected, he’s under the tutelage of our own, “Crown Prince”. A great guy, and I was only disappointed by the fact that he did not get up to do a set last night; I’ll really look forward to seeing what he comes up with for the televised contest on Mar. 3rd.

I talked briefly with the, ‘Kelona Bad Boy’, who tied for second place with, ‘Sir Lot’s o’ Laughs’ last week. I’d really liked his style when I’d first seen him; absolutely coherent ...no static at all on those air waves! He was telling me that he’s worked as a radio announcer for 10 years; he’s good.

My set done, I slipped outside to lick my wounds. I was preceded by a group of the Physics students. Another one followed me out; I’d noticed this fellow in the audience, having, (I hoped!), a good time. If you can picture, ‘Hagar the Horrible’, in his prime, that is just what this chap looked like. Huge! Brilliant red hair and matching beard, and a hand that enveloped mine and squeezed all the way up to my elbow! Smiling, he told me how much he’d enjoyed my act; it’s moments just like that that make this kind of nonsense worth every minute. Never listen to criticism from the other comics; always pay attention to the audience, theirs is the only verdict that carries any weight!

It was late, and I was tired, but I went in to listen to a couple more sets, then, ‘The Master’, took the stage for the closing act. I suspected something was slightly, ‘off the tracks’, when he began by ripping me a new ‘Fecal Freedom Fundament!’ ‘The Master’s’ wit is usually razor sharp, but, it was a blunt instrument he used last night ...I can still feel the pain! Gentle readers, I’ll spare you his vile verbiage! Suffice it to say that the civilized province of Ontario received a thorough threshing, though, not quite so thorough as that received by a certain comic who dared to venture from hence to Saskatoon Comedy stages!

That is, “Refuse to Sit Down”; just a continual comic catfight ...and I’m happy to be allowed a small part in it. It's just like my comic Guru, John Cantu, from the 'Holy Zoo', said; "Your first 100 appearances don't count!" I headed back to Kinley a little older, a little wiser, and a little richer ...by exactly $100! You’re Surprised!?! ...You could have knocked me over with a slapstick! I’m speechless! But, I began this with, ‘Doug & the Slugs, so, I might as well finish with them:

“I learned to whistle Nero’s tune,

That melody inside the tomb.

He never bothered,

Climbing the ladder.

He knew the power of a joke,

When you’re faced with your own doom!

So throw your money in the pot.

I’m taking everything you’ve got!

If there’s a limit,

I’ve never seen it.

So throw your caution to the wind,

Or mail it to Tibet!

‘Cause there’s no greater glory,

When it all gets hairy,

Than to be laughing,

in the midst of it all!"