A Trifle Twisted!

Two things I have to work on today; memory & elocution. I had noted last week that my mastery of my material was somewhat less than obvious, and my tongue did get tripped up a few times. One of my favourite 'Ron James' moments, was when the great man stumbled in his delivery, (and, to be fair to my admiration for Mr. James, I suspect that it was no slip; just a clever aside! In either case it was hilarious!), and said to the audience, "You think it's hard listening to this crap! Try memorizing it!") So today I will rehearse; it's not enough to memorize it verbatim, you must put your passion into it. If you don't, at the end of the day you will have just the words ...and that's just not enough! If you get your passion down pat, though, the words will come naturally. If anything, you must amplify your passion, way beyond the way you wish to present it on stage. Because, we do tend to 'mute' our emotions on stage; so, amplify now, and trust you can channel it in your act.


As noted earlier, I timed out my last presentation at 6 minutes and 40 seconds in rehearsal; that was including pauses for anticipated laughter. I totalled almost 3 minutes of laughter in that set, which cannot be, 'stepped on'. You cannot contract your pauses; the words you speak are merely conveying the 'construction material', the pauses must be there to allow the audience time to 'develop' the picture you are presenting. So, you can only reduce, refine and accurately articulate your words, in the briefest time possible. In reality, there has never been a funny joke, nor has there ever been a funny comic; humour only occurs as pictures develop in our own minds. As a comic you are merely a conduit of the sparsest, most powerful material, to replicate a picture in your mind, in the collective mind of your audience. That's why most comedy clubs are just a big 'dark room.'

So, today I will be working on memorization and articulation; the memorization I explained above, the articulation exercises are below. Have fun with that!


Mr. Barry, my grade 9 French teacher, (sorry, I failed two courses in High School, French and Typing, as I couldn’t then see what earthly use they’d be to me... I was wrong about typing!), said that North Americans have poor elocution because they have lazy mouths. He then proceeded to stand at the front of the class and give us an elocution exercise... and seemed outraged when we collapsed laughing! He seemed to forget that we were pubescent Grade niners, and, that this was French class. The exercise was for us all to stand and enunciate, “Lips!, Lips!, Lips!, Tip of the tongue!” Indeed, it sounded like a French lesson! But, Mr Barry was right; that exercise, done with proper enunciation, demands more dexterity with the muscles of your lips, tongue and jaw, than most of us are prepared to put into it.

As a speaker you wish to be heard and understood clearly, and, like most other human activities, a little exercise helps. Try Mr. Barry’s exercise; it is a good one, and, I’ll give you a few tongue twisters below to dazzle your friends and family with.

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.


Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick.


Is this your sister’s sixth zither, sir?


I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.


A Tudor who tooted a flute tried to tutor two tooters to toot. Said the two to their tutor, “Is it harder to toot or to tutor two tooters to toot?”


I am not the pheasant plucker, I’m the pheasant plucker’s mate. I am only plucking pheasants cause the pheasant plucker’s running late.


Gertie’s great-grandmother grew aghast at Gertie’s grammar.


I need not your needles, they’re needless to me. For kneading of noodles, ‘twere needless, you see. But did my neat knickers but need to be kneed, then I should have need of your needles indeed.


A tree toad loved a she-toad who lived up in a tree. He was a two-toed tree toad, but a three-toed toad was she. The two-toed tree toad tried to win the three-toed she-toad’s heart, for the two-toed tree toad loved the ground that the three-toed tree toad trod. But the two-toed tree toad tried in vain. He couldn’t please her whim. From her tree bower with her three toed power the she-toad vetoed him.


On mules we find two legs behind, and two we find before. We stand behind before we find what those behind be for.


One-One was a racehorse. Two-Two was one, too. When One-One won a race, Two-Two won one too.


If you stick a stock of Liquor in your locker, it’s slick to stick a lock upon your stock. Or some stickler who is slicker will stick you of you liquor if you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.


I saw Esau kissing Kate. I saw Esau, he saw me, and she saw I saw Esau.


You’ve no need to light a night-light on a light night like tonight. For a night-light’s light’s a slight light, and tonight’s a night that’s light. When a night’s light, like tonight’s light, it is really not quite right to light night-lights with their slight lights on a light night like tonight.


Theophilus Thadeus Thistledown, the succesful thistle-sifter, while sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now, if Theophilus Thadeus Thistledown, the succesful thistle-sifter, thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, see that thou, while sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles, thrust not three thousand thistles through the thick of thy thumb.



Admidst the mists and coldest frosts,
With stoutest wrists and loudest boasts,
He thrusts his fists against the posts,
And still insists he sees the ghosts.


The bottle of perfume that Willy sent
was highly displeasing to Millicent.
Her thanks were so cold
that they quarreled, I'm told
o'er that silly scent Willy sent Millicent.

Betty bought some butter,
but the butter Betty bought was bitter,
so Betty bought some better butter,
and the better butter Betty bought
was better than the bitter butter Betty bought before!


Ed Nott was shot and Sam Shott was not. So it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some say Nott was not shot. But Shott says he shot Nott. Either the shot Shott shot at Nott was not shot, or Nott was shot. If the shot Shott shot shot Nott, Nott was shot. But if the shot Shott shot shot Shott, the shot was Shott, not Nott. However, the shot Shott shot shot not Shott - but Nott. So, Ed Nott was shot and that's hot! Is it not?


Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.
Not a punt cut square,
Just a square cut punt.
It's round in the stern and blunt in the front.
Mrs Puggy Wuggy has a square cut punt.

(ed. note: Like that? Think you're good? Try it with a pencil held loosely, but firmly between your teeth!)