Feb. 3rd came and I went to the, ‘Refuse to Sit Down’ search for ‘Saskatoon’s Funniest New Comic’ contest at Vangelli’s. I got there at 8:00 pm, and there were at least 75 people in attendance already! The ‘Court Jester’ was presiding; a little tired from a nine hour commute! I asked how his line up was shaping up. “We draw for speaking position before the show”, replied the ‘Jester’, sounding a little irritated. John Cantu and his MC at the ‘Holy Zoo’ in San Francisco both claimed that their hatred for comedians came from years of comically fragile egos constantly whining, arguing and making demands on what they considered their ‘right’ to their own preferred speaking slot! I assured him that I didn’t care about my ‘slot’, I was just curious as to how many people were committed to the night’s agenda.
I did have a preference; I’d prefer to do my routine first. The first position is universally hated by comedians; the audience isn’t warmed up yet, and they fear a slow start. Because I’m usually the least experienced, that is the spot I’m used to. It’s also a good thing when you are doing 8 minutes of new, untried material; there’s less chance of getting caught up, in, and distracted, by, the other comics routines. As it turned out we had 8 comics, and I drew the number 8 slot.
First up was a fellow I’ve seen many times before. He’s been doing comedy for a few years, and has a polished repertoire. He does ‘clean’ comedy show throughout the province, and doesn’t appear in bars very often. At one point in his act he talks about swearing, and muses about what Jesus might say if he stubbed his toe in the family carpentry shop. Might he exclaim; “Oh! Myself!”, and, (hopping around on one foot), “Dad Damn It!” He told me that, when he did a gig at a resort a couple hundred miles north of Saskatoon, those exact jokes brought letters of complaint from several outraged patrons! Not quite in the league of, “The seven words you can’t say”, but, I suppose, offensive in the wide ‘Bible Belt’ that encompasses so much of this province.
Second up was a young fellow from a small community way out of town. I had chatted with his sister who was at a table behind mine, and she told me that every one of his friends had come to give him support! That was the reason Vangelli’s was packed at 8:30! There were easily 60 in his entourage, and they filled the entire front of house! The decision is based entirely on the choice of the audience by vote, and I could pick out the winner before the show began!
At 400 lbs. he certainly had stage presence! At the same time he had a personality you could not dislike, and, from what I saw of it, a truly wicked wit! No previous stage experience, no ability with a microphone, and had to run back to his table to retrieve his prop, (a beer), with which he demonstrated how to confound a R.I.D.E. patrol, by hiding it under the drape of his tummy! He did eight minutes, but, if you took out the ‘F’ word, it might reach four. With a little experience, a man to watch!
Third was an old hippy, a little older than myself! People assume that, “Refuse to Sit Down”, means a rugged determination to continue despite audience resistance; and it does. But, it was a clever fellow who coined the title; a fellow who was aware that, ‘Refuse’, is, indeed, garbage! So the title can be interpreted as, “Garbage to Sit Down”, and the rest to stand up. This hippy fell into the latter category. He was a little drunk, and a little obnoxious; he heckled the ‘Jester’ as he was opening the show, and was almost bounced then and there. The house was packed, but it was educational to watch how the audience attention quickly dissolved in the face of amateurish inanity! People did not heckle, they simply began private conversations at their tables, or made a quick trip to the washrooms or smoking area. Our ‘entertainer’ seemed blithely unaware of his own lack of success! The worst part is, he’ll probably be back.
The fourth comic was from BC; prepared, professional and polished with a great personality. I would have had him placed in the top two were it not for the presence of both the young fellow that could hide beer bottles, and, of course, Saskatoon’s own, ‘Crown Prince’. I’ve no idea as to his back ground. A born comic? Perhaps, but, he certainly wasn’t born yesterday, and it seemed to me that he’d used the intervening time to get a little experience. He started by talking about Rider pride, pointed out the current context conveyed by, ‘Pride’, suggested that the Riders weren’t as ‘Rough’ as they’d once been, and offered a new team name; “Rainbow Riders”. You just don’t do that in Saskatchewan! But, it’s been done now ...and done very well!
Fifth was a 31 year old Vet grad from U of S. I’d seen him a month ago, and was impressed by his professional preparation and confidence. At the same time, his material was all presented in ‘paragraph’ style, which doesn’t give the audience much time to offer their input. Big change this time; his style was more conversational, and he maintained his professionalism! A fellow to watch indeed.
Sixth was a chap dressed in Biker chic. Apparently he is opening a new nightclub in Saskatoon. His manner was great, poised and polished. Unfortunately, my time was approaching, and I had to get myself prepared. It is so much nicer to be first; then you can sit back and really pay attention to the others.
Seventh was our own ‘Crown Prince’. He gave a polished performance of some of his best material. He’s a funny guy, but, two of his best traits are his relaxed manner and his boyish charm. It may sound silly, but that big easy grin lets a lot of what might be considered objectionable, slip right home! Well done.
Then my name was announced! My goals for the evening were pretty straight forward. First, to try 8 minutes of new material; I’d had this put together before Christmas, but never got the opportunity to present it. In the last week it got three major revisions. Second; to use the mike in an accomplished manner. And finally, to have a good time; I wanted to entertain the audience, but didn’t entertain any notions of winning.
You have to remember, the average age of those in the audience is about 25, and last night it was, oddly enough, heavily male dominated. My challenge is to connect with that segment of the population, while still being true to myself. If I talk about the concerns of their demographic, I’ll be perceived as either, lecturing, or worse, spurious! So, I began by conceding to them the pleasures of youth; at the same time staking a claim on, ‘Kinky’, as the prerogative of maturity.
“Kinky is a state of mind!
The state of an older mind!
Cause when you hit 50 years,
You have experience and imagination!
But! ...where the Hell's the incentive?!
There’s good reason we call it,
“Bumpin’ Uglies!”
I know; them lines lack luster! But, you didn't hear what came just prior. With any luck, you'll never hear what was said just after! My last time here, I recited a little Shakespeare; the response then did not tempt repetition. So, this time, I thought a little interpretation of ancient Sanskrit might be just the ticket! I do have to admit that, in a Methuselah moment, I did utter the ‘F’ word into a microphone before a packed house!
My Dr. is an East Indian.
He told me that, for centuries
His people could, “Bring Back the Dead!”
The secret is the Sanskrit word, “Tiger!”
They pronounce it, “Vyaghra”
I said, “But Doc, I have a TV schedule!
I don’t want that fucked up!”
He talked me into trying it.
It’s given me a mission in life!
“To boldly go, where every man’s been before!”
All told a good night. I taped my contribution, but ...more on that later!
(P.S: It was as I expected, the 'Beer Bottle Illusionist' captured 1st place, and our own 'Crown Prince' took 2nd!)
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