Sort of a complicated evening it was! Where to start? I had Toastmasters, which kept me preoccupied as I was Chairman, MC, and, sole presenter; I’d always supposed I’d enjoy introducing myself ...I was right. The Theme of the evening was, for some odd reason, ‘A Chorus Line’, (honest folks, I don’t pick ‘em, I just have to work with them!). Everything went well, and, our Chairman for the evening laid down, and adhered to, a tight strict agenda ...something you don’t see much of in these parts! The highlight of my TM evening was in the form of one of our newest members, Manus, a fellow recently arrived from India. For the Impromptu portion of the evening he was challenged to describe the most outstanding feature of the area in which he was raised. Despite the challenges of working with a new language, Manus, did an exceptional job! After the meeting I asked how long ago he’d arrived in Saskatoon, Canada? “Two months ago.”, was his immediate response.
For my presentation I chose to relate the first moment I set eyes upon my bride, and, with a tip of my hat to the evening’s theme, I titled it, “I Met a Gal So Fine ...in A Chorus Line!”:
“It was in a little strip joint on Broadway, (That’s New York, not ToonTown)
Called, ‘The Hot Box Cafe’,
With about 100 people present.
She stepped into the room,
And started dancing, singing and flinging,
Off her clothes!
“Take back your mink!
Take back your Poils!
What made you think,
That I was one of those Goils!?!”
I admitted that, as a red blooded Canadian boy,
I could only watch a red blooded Canadian girl,
Disrobe just so many times before,
My curiosity was ...well ...aroused!”
I met my Bride rehearsing for a musical. I went on to describe the difficulties posed for an admittedly, ‘Clod footed farm boy’, when faced with the challenge of participating in the choreography of a chorus line conducted in a sewer! (You really had to be there ...in the sewer I mean!) Lest any of you suspect that I’m losing my grip, (not much of a stretch, I admit!), I confess that I met my bride rehearsing for a rendition the ultimate Broadway musical, “Guys and Dolls”. I’m not sure why they call it ‘Broadway’; there were ‘Guys’ in the chorus line with them ‘Dolls’! ‘Personway’ strikes me as a more PC term!
Then, seeing that our Chairman managed to bring the meeting in 45 minutes earlier than usual, all agreed to adjourn to the nearest bar. Over a variety of libations I was quizzed on my comedic pastime, and, after the required revelations were made, they suggested that they might like to come see a show. I said that would be fine with me, but, keep in mind that such a performance might fall short of, (some might say beyond), what is commonly considered, ‘Toastmasterful!’
Then I was off to ‘Refuse to Sit Down’, with more than my usual trepidations. The reason for my reservations were twofold; I was presenting ten minutes of what was, for the greater part, new material, and my preparations had fallen short of perfection by way of all the required effort that went into my TM gig. The second reason was of greater concern to me; I was going to do ‘Gay’ material ...ten solid minutes of it. Now, I have seen lots of ‘fag’ humour done in the last year, and, while some of it is funny, it’s not what I’d do myself. My aim was to describe my insecurities, experiences and observations, with, for the most part, the ‘joke’ being on yours truly. The reception of this would be anyone’s guess ...and I could anticipate, without much relish, ten minutes of cold, bleak audience silence ...or worse, but, ...if you don’t try it ...you’ll never find out!
Because of my ‘PostToast’ dalliance I was late arriving at Vangelli’s. The ‘Jester’ was on the mike, opening the show as I entered, and, to my surprise, announced my arrival! To my surprise, I received an ovation! It began with the Comics and staff, and swept the room! OK! It was a ‘sitting ovation’, but, I’ll take my ‘O’s’ any way I can get them!
Good group of perhaps fifty people, with a much better balance of men and women than we’d had last week; too many men in the crowd often really distorts audience reaction. None of the ‘newbies’ I’d hoped would return after their initiation, last week, showed up! Too bad, they did have unfortunate luck in audience reception for their first performance.
It was just the usual suspects, and, I won’t go into much detail. The Master did a set consisting of a character he’s developing; I’d never seen it before, and thought it was great! I asked him about it later and he said he’s been developing it over the last year. Good Stuff!
We had no, ‘Hecklefest’, like we’d experienced last week, and, that’s a good thing. One discordant note arrived as our Jester, between sets, poked an ironic finger at some of the more ...shall we say, ‘questionable’ tenants of the Mormon faith, and, fair enough, all faiths have these, and they should be open to an ironic poke in the eye. Somewhat less tasteful, of course, to poke fun at the people who adhere to them, but ...that wasn’t done last night! However, it saddens me to report that one young lady did ‘flip’ at our Jester for his supposed abuse! Adding to the confusion, the Master hurled a little abuse at the Jester! The fellow sitting with our offended ‘lady’ rushed over, fists cocked, to where the Master was seated, (beside me) and demanded that he cease abusing her!
Now, to me that was just weird! I don’t quite know what their problem was; it’s beyond my ken! However, if I was going to challenge anyone in a bar, ...I think the Master would not be my first choice! He’s ex Canadian Forces, and present street fighter with, I might mention, well established ‘Street Cred,’ and, I might add ...a very funny fellow! To this breach of bar room etiquette the Master turned a bland eye; “I wasn’t abusing the girl ...I was abusing the MC!” Fortunately whatever wind filled this chap's sails dissipated, and, that’s good ...for him!
Just minutes later, I was up; again, for reasons unknown to myself, I was closing the show. The ‘Jester’ detoured from his usual introduction, and gave them a little background on my comic adventures in the ‘Divas’. I was surprised! He hadn’t been there, and I certainly hadn’t had the opportunity to share the information with him. I was bordering on being ‘ticked’ as I wasn’t sure how it would affect the reception of my material, but ...no sense being ‘ticked’, it’s all in good fun, and, besides ...I’d no idea as to how it would be received to begin with!
There had been little in the way of waves of laughter last night; a polite, but quiet audience, with the notable exception of a young lady of colour against the far wall. She was a pleasure to watch as she responded enthusiastically and equally to all; she would be welcome in any audience I stood before. Otherwise, the laughter circled the room randomly, with different groups responding to different things.
After our ‘Mormon’ conundrum, I just couldn’t resist beginning in a ‘punny’ way. The offended couple were still seated with their drinks.
“Ok Folks ...No more men jokes!
No more men period!
In the last week I’ve seen,
More men than I care to admit too!”
The offended parties threw nothing, and, the audience loved it! Then I launched into my ‘gay’ routine, admitting that I wasn’t gay, but had lived each woman’s ultimate fantasy ...that’s right, I’d slept with the Jester!
“But, that wasn’t gay,
We might have Spooned,
But ...we didn’t Fork!
I can only describe it as ...Knife!
But ...Whatever turns your Utensil!”
Great response! One young lady in the front asked me to be ‘less loud’. This, again, is not heckling. I acknowledged her request, and thanked her, adding that it had been years since any lady had winced at the volume of my ‘mike’, ...noting that ‘volume’ is a measure of ‘mass’. Great response! From then on it was like ...a magic carpet ride ...on a wave of laughter! I missed some of my prepared lines, and added some off the cuff; all went over well!
I described what it was like to be ‘queried’ before an audience, as to whether I might enjoy ‘anal lingus’, adding:
“I don’t have much in common,
...With anyone here,
But one thing I have in common,
...With everyone here,
Is the fact that,
...I’ve never ...seen my asshole!
But ...I’ve decided,
...From data gathered,
Daily ...on cheap tissue paper,
...It ain’t pretty!”
When all was said and done the Jester shook my hand and I stepped off stage to applause, and, when I was getting my stuff ready to go home, each of the comics came to shake my hand. A good night, and a roll of the dice that worked, ... but, of course it worked, ...I was Nathan Detroit ...in ‘Guys & Dolls!’
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