No Fistfull of Dollars!

After a day of sightseeing with in-laws, Bill and Diane, my Bride and I set our sights on the Parktown Hotel for their new amateur night at the Laff Shop. The Parktown regularly hosts two Pro-com nights each week, on Friday and Saturday; for reasons unknown to myself they are just having professional comedians on Friday nights for the summer, and are experimenting with having amateurs on Saturday. I didn’t know what to expect, but, by the time the show began there were well over 100 people in attendance at $9.00 per head. Unbeknownst to me, they’d set the show up as a contest, the winner determined by the audience voting.


Our own Jester was emceeing the event, and the Headliner was a fellow named Mathew Murray whom I’d heard of but never seen before. In an unexpected diversion from routine they had the Headliner go on before the amateurs, and Mathew was very good. My Bride particularly enjoyed the Jester’s performance, as he was in top form last night. Contributing to ménage of mirthful mayhem were most of the, ‘Refuse to Sit Down’, regulars, but there were also three new faces in the mix. One was a fellow who regularly opens for Mathew Murray, and the other two chaps had both only appeared on stage once before. Appearing for his third performance was a young chap named, Franko, who I’d seen twice before. In total there were seven contestants last night.

Our audience was in great form, responding enthusiastically to all. Blair, the fellow who opens for Mr. Murray, was very good, but he does have the advantage of considerable experience. The two chaps who were each doing their second stand-up appearance were quite interesting. Shawn was first up of the two, and he’d confided that he began preparing his act about ten minutes before arriving at the club. He took a glass on stage with him and fed it a looney each time he uttered the, ‘F’, word, admitting that in his five to seven minutes he’d probably make donations sufficient to buy lunch for a third world nation.

Brian was the second of the two, and his was quite an interesting approach; he was selfeffacing in his presentation, and conceded that he didn’t understand the world! From there his act consisted of asking bizarre questions of the audience; “Have you ever killed your neighbour’s cats, then drove over them with your car to make it look like an accident?” It was very well received.

I was quite happy with, Franko’s performance; he was more relaxed than in his previous appearances, and his material much tidier in it’s presentation. Perhaps a little too wordy, but that will improve with time. He got some good laughs, and he does have a very audience friendly persona, especially for a 22 year old. Some of his material had a racial edge to it that made my Bride wince just a little; I’m not sure whether this is tempered by the fact that Franko is ‘Africanadian’. Franko confessed that he worked for the Native Gaming Conglomerate, noting that their employees were 75% native, but, they had to have 25% non-native in order that some work gets done! Besides, he added, if it was 100% native it would just be another ‘Pow-Wow’. All told, a solid third performance.

I drew the number two slot, following our Knight of the dark countenance, and it went fairly well. Unbeknownst to myself I had fans in the audience at a table right front and center, this was not so much evident while I was on stage, but became apparent afterwards, during the voting, when the one young fellow was showing me that everyone at the table had voted for #2! The same chap caught me afterwards and was quite effusive in expressing his enjoyment.

I was pleased with the reception of my material, and ran it past my evaluator software first thing this morning; I maintained a PAR score of 41, which means in my six minutes and thirty-five seconds of stage time I received an average of 24 seconds of laughter per minute. That is one second per minute better than the last time I performed at the Parktown.

The voting segment at the end of the evening was interesting, and, in the final analysis, the announced winner was Brian with his full quota of quirky questions! Pretty good for his second time on stage, and he certainly wins my admiration. The evening was, to my eye, a success for all concerned, and especially the Parktown. I asked the Jester whether he felt it was going to be continued, and he thinks that it will; all that’s restraining him from a full, enthusiastic endorsement of both the facility and function, is the annoying little matter of remuneration. As the Jester stated, “I can’t be always doing things like this for nothing!”

Working Like a Fool!

Fading Fool!

An interesting, and, more rewarding Wednesday than has been the common run lately. Another long day fixing potholes; we had an equipment failure half way through the day, and, subsequently, to keep to my agenda, yours facetiously, personally raked two tons of asphalt in 45 minutes to finish the day at 5:00 pm. Then dash home, shower, and dash off to Toastmasters, having loaded all my P.A. equipment and prepared my paperwork the night before.

I was unloading at my destination when, who should come along and offer assistance than, Dwayne Surdu-Miller. “Thank you, Mr President,” was my reply, “Nothing I admire more than a Toastmaster who’s willing to take a stand!” With that I let Dwayne carry the microphone stand in for me. I was quite happy with my little sound system, it was easy to get it all into the meeting in one trip, and only took about three minutes to set up and get running! No muss, no fuss.

I decided to do a little seminar on, ‘microphone’, technique for the club, after having competed in the Division contest this winter. A mike and stand were provided for the contestants, and the organizers were a little disappointed that no one would use the equipment! Two reasons for that reluctance; we had not been informed that it would be available, and almost no one in the contest had any experience with a mike and stand. I was tempted to be the exception, but, I’d prepared an rehearsed my material knowing that I’d need volume, and was ready to fill the room without amplification. As well, I had all my body language and gestures rehearsed; to take mike in hand at the last minute would mean that I’d have to be re-thinking my entire routine as I presented it. So, to my mind, the last minute use of the mike would be more of a detriment than a compliment to what I’d intended to do.

My little seminar went well, and piqued everybody’s interest. Those who’d never used a mike readily saw how familiarity with the equipment would be essential; those who’d had limited experience in the past didn’t need to be shown! So, it was settled; in the fall we’ll do a few full ‘mike’ sessions, where everyone will be able to try their own material with ‘mike’ in hand. I was happy with my presentation, but, had been weary and not prepared to my satisfaction, the result being that I wandered a little in my material, adding things that I’d not intended to, subsequently not having time to put in some of the stuff I’d wanted in.

I believe that the good people at CBA Toastmasters are still more than perplexed at my ongoing involvement in stand-up comedy, and, while I do indeed have my reasons, I doubt that I could ever explain them to everyone’s satisfaction. But, an example, in my experience is worth way more than a 1000 words, so ...let me see if I can find an example! OK! I think I’ve got one; just over a year ago, a little Toastmasters club was formed in Calgary, dedicated to Stand-up; ‘Wit Pleasure Toastmasters’. There are four major contests each year in Toastmasters; in the last year members of the aforementioned fledgling club won three of them! Almost unheard of for an established, well developed club; absolutely without parallel for a brand new club! I think that that example alone says everything necessary about the contribution of Stand-up experience to both communication and presentation skills!

With that it was time to get my electronic, ‘shit’, together, and head on down to Vangelli’s Town, pausing along the way to pick up a cup of speed! But the ‘cup’ didn’t pick me up! I was quickly nearing the end of my, ‘best before’, timeline! Good weather, poor turn out; there might have been 50 people at Vangelli’s on Wednesday, but, after deducting for staff, comics, and the handful of people at the bar who were there for reasons unrelated to comedy, there may have been 25 in our audience.

The Jester let me go up first, and, what the audience might have lacked in quantity they more than made up for in quality. However, my concentration had hit the dumpster, and, while I got nice, polite laughter, I noticed that I was dropping a lot of lines, and having difficulties configuring my act. So, I pulled the plug after five minutes or so, and headed back to Kinley; on the bright side, I was home by 11:15, and made it to bed by midnight; thats 35 down/65 to go! Toastmasters will soon be done for the year, and that should streamline my agenda somewhat. At the same time, I’m told that the Parktown is commencing a Saturday night ‘open mike’ this weekend. That’s great, three nights a week available now, and, finally, one that I may be ‘fresh’ for.

I’m going to have to put some serious thought into my career path; The money is Ok, the work tolerable, the hours a little longer than I might prefer, and I love having six months off every winter! On the other hand, I am feeling the ‘work’ more than I like to admit, (although my body is unrestrained in its complaints!), the politics of the place are getting me down, and, perhaps most important, I don’t know if, financially, I can survive another winter. I’ll have to start looking into alternatives!

Out of My Depth!

May two-four weekend: cold and rainy ...I’ve got a cold, and the weather’s rainy! Two vehicles to go into the shop this week, for about $1000.00 worth of work; by a stroke of good fortune, I have about $500 in the bank to cover it! What’s a fella’ to do? Might as well tour down to Beily’s for a few laughs with friends; it’s fun and its budget friendly.


This was to be appearance number 34, and we had a good crowd in attendance by 9:30, with the tables set up closer to the stage. For some reason they are still seating people against the wall behind the speaker’s area, but ...oh well! Our own, Crown Prince, was headlining tonight, and I regret to say, I was unable to stay and enjoy the show, had to get up in the morning and come to grips with my lunch box! As it turned out, I might as well have stayed; got to work and was sent home because of weather, had to get a ride from a buddy as my wheels were in the shop.

But the people at Beilys were young, rested from the long weekend and ready to laugh. Two beginners from, ‘Refuse to Sit Down’, Jordan and Rocko, showed up to sit with the rest of the comics. The Master was doing the Emceeing and began the evening with our ‘Knight of the Dark Countenance’, followed by our, ‘half-way house’, comic, Jim Fooks. Both were well received; I was up third.

It was a bonus to not be worn down from a long day at work; instead I had the refreshing option of being worn down from a cold. I was doing a little old and a little new, and, for the most part it went well. My, ‘Alfalfa Male’ material went over well, and then I talked about some of the ‘tight spots’ a fellow can get into growing up on a farm. I did seven minutes and fifteen seconds with my theme, as usual, being the dismal state of decrepitude. For my close I delved into the bottom of the diaper:

“Everything changes with age;
When My Bride and I first got together,
We came so much that,
Our ‘Wetspots’ had deep ends!
After twenty plus years married,
What have we got?
Separate beds,
Separate wet spots,
And we both wear Depends!”

Ok! A little juvenile, but, a comic’s got to go where the material takes him! I ran it by my evaluator program for a par score of 22%, or, 13 seconds of laughter per minute; there were a couple fairly silent moments in the mix. Over all I was quite satisfied.

After my set I picked up my, ‘stuff’, at the comics table, shook hands with Jordan and Rocko, asked, “Are you fellows going up tonight?”, and, at their indication of the negative, said, “Well, if that’s the case, I’m outta’ here!”, shook hands with the Jester, and left.

Found an interesting web page; “Stage Time”, the magazine that stands up for comedy. It’s published in New York and has some great features and interviews with current popular comics. Its web address is below:

http://www.stagetimemag.com/standup/?page_id=370

Takes all kinds!

A long dreary day of diverse diversions it was indeed. It’s always interesting to keep track of the many different types of individuals you meet in an average day. Yesterday morning found me playing in the sun with a bunch of rough and tumble Prairie wild men; small wonder they named this flatter than piss on a plate province Sasquatchewan! Yes, another sweltering day tied down by the, ‘Ball & Chain’, gang! But, my partner and I, with the assistance of our ten ‘pen-pals’, pulled it off; no one was hurt, and no one suffered from heat stroke.

Then, mercifully, for both myself and hapless bystanders, a shower, and it was off for an evening’s entertainment, brought to you by those nice people at CBA Toastmasters. I had an easy evening, having only to evaluate a presentation by ToonTown’s own, Terry McBride; just as well as my muscles are still acclimatizing to my, “Rock & Roll” day job! (ed. Note: “That’s, Grab a Rock & Roll it Off the Road! I always dreamed of being a, ‘Roadie’, but, for the love of heaven, I don’t know why ...now!)

Bunch of keeners, the good people at CBA. Terry did a persuasive speech, extolling the benefits and virtues of taking up a, two wheeled, pedal powered lifestyle, and extolling them well indeed! Next was Steve Moloney who gave a great performance on the power of, “Yes I Can!”, which, from what I heard last night, is a far better road to success than, “No I can’t!” The final speaker for the evening was a young lady named, ‘Sara’, who has just completed her Master’s Degree in something or other; her theme concerned how an individual might face the multitude of choices occasioned by a sudden exit from Academia resulting in a chill plunge into the, ‘Real World’. Sara had a knack for turning a phrase which I much enjoyed; she told us that one parent was Scandinavian, and the other Oriental, resulting in, as she put it, a ScandinAsian! I’ve certainly scanned an Asian before, and this one scanned not half bad!

Then, having left both the Sasquatches and Keeners behind, it was time to wander down to Vangelli’s, and spend a little time with the ‘dick joke’ dudes! But first to Tim’s, as the thread of the day was beginning to unravel! Not a penny on me, but, my debit card was in hand! However ...Tim’s debit system was down farther than my caffeine levels, so, if I was to stand up, it would have to be empty handed. Good crowd last night, and many made me feel welcome, but, it didn’t start, and then ...it didn’t start again. Finally, with my energy ebbing on a Rip Tide, it was 10:30, and still no sign of when I might go on. I pulled the plug, and ‘low-tailed’ it to Kinley, arriving home at 11:45.

I was a little wound, and had to sit down and unwind with Peter Mansbridge, a cup of coffee, and a paper twined sample of ‘Gallows Grass’; odd, isn’t it, how a Man with weed to burn, will often find a perfect match! Got ¾ of the coffee, and ½ the joint choked down, and awoke at 2:40 to hear Peter repeating himself! I like Peter, and find both him and the CBC a compelling soporific, but, even I couldn’t sleep through it twice. Off to spoon with my Bride, then, at 4:50, roll call for the Rock & Roll Road Show! So, that is how I failed to make my #34 performance. I’ll try it again next week, ‘til then, a rolling stoner gathers no ‘z’s!

Stand Up to the Chain Gang!

It was an interesting evening at Beily’s; felt a little better than last time as my body slowly adjusts to the travails of a wage slave; could be worse ...it might have been the rigors of mortis! Things are picking up at Beily’s; last night audience was numerically superior to what it has been before. By a quick show of hands at the start of the show the Jester found that at least half of those in attendance had been there for earlier shows.


I arrived early and went over my notes while the other comics trickled in. Our Jester brought a young lady with him; she asked me, “Are you a comic as well?” Couldn’t help myself, I replied, “Yes I’m a comic, but, no ...not nearly ...as well!” It was just that kind of night. Heard that the Parktown is thinking of starting their own, ‘open mike’, night; that would be great, three nights per week in ToonTown!

All the usual suspects were at the table, with the welcome addition of Kelly Taylor from Prince Albert as our ‘Headliner’. We had the unexpected of a famous ‘slam’ poet from Ireland, ‘Finn McCoul’, who treated us to a reading some of his newest creations. Jim Fooks was again able to meet us half way ...from his new house! Then I was up, and, it went fairly well.

Again I talked about my, ‘slow’, delivery, but expanded it a bit and did material I hadn’t included before. It seemed to go fairly well, with lots of laughter, but, that may just have been residual echos from the set of Mr. Fooks before me. I ran it past my comedy Evaluator program, and was more than pleased with a par score of 25% for an average of 15 seconds of laughter per minute. Not bad for new and recent material, and a weary, unpolished delivery.

By then it was 10:30, and time to express my regrets and high-tail it back to Kinley and bed. Then, up this morning for a long day of rolling rocks with my ten new Pen-Pals! These are volunteers from the Saskatoon, Urban Camp, a minimum security prison for inmates nearing their release date. These fellows, provided you treat them in a civilised manner, are, for meagre reward, great workers, and I do enjoy both their efforts and company. The best part is that I get to hold the 12 guage!

P.S. I’ll have to check, but I believe that would be my 33 appearance on a live comedy stage – 34 tomorrow, ...if ...I can think of anything to say!

Fool For Punishment!

They say, “Love Hurts”, but comedy hurts more, especially after one day pickin’ rocks, and two days raking asphalt! Just not used to it after 6 months R & R! However, Wednesday, after work, I made the mad dash home, got cleaned up and changed, then made the mad dash back into ToonTown for Toastmasters. I was looking forward to extolling to the audience the previously unrealized correlation between rabies and sibling rivalry; it’s a hither to unexplored relationship.

I was tired and ached, but I thought a few minutes before a friendly audience would wake me up, and, just as important, be a good warm up for Vangelli’s later that evening. To some extent it was a success; the audience, though at first somewhat dubious after hearing my introduction, laughed and enjoyed the presentation. My evaluator liked my presentation, and commented on what he called my, “alpha male”, voice! I don’t like to quibble with an evaluator, but, I’m a farm boy, a ‘hayseed’, if you will; mine might be better described as an, “alfalfa male”, voice!

The good members of CBA Toastmasters also, oddly enough, allowed me to tell a joke! I did the old gem about the naked man dying while hiding naked in a refrigerator. It was well received, then, I gave Manus a lift home, and headed for Vangelli’s, arriving about 9:30. I was real tired by now, but felt that if I got on stage early, I might still be able to do my set and return home for 11:30. This getting up at 4:30 in the morning is, to me, a rough grind, and I’ll have to hone my timing over the summer, or it will be me caught between the grindstones!

Talked to a young fellow named, ‘Jordan’, who I’d seen do a set before a particularly raucous audience, three weeks ago, and I was much pleased to see him back for a second set. He asked if I was going up and I told him that I would, provided it didn’t get too late. I would have liked to talk to him more, but was just too weary, and, was trying to get my concentration focused for the evening ahead. The show didn’t start till after 10:00, and Jordan was first up; he’s got a great personality, and a funny point of view, but he had trouble getting his material out and couldn’t hold the audience. Still, a commendable job for his second time, and I certainly do hope that he comes out again.

I sat and watched three more sets, and, by that time, it was 11:00, and I could see that I wouldn’t be the next up. I’d tried to ask the Jester, earlier in the evening, about being one of the first, but, he was busy, and I couldn’t catch his attention. So, I looked at the time situation. If I hung around, it would be 12:30 by the time I got home, then, up at 4:30, head to work for ten hours, dash home, get ready, and head off to Calgary for Friday morning. My concentration was obliterated by this time, so, I gathered my stuff, muttered, “Vias Con Dios,” and left the city lights behind me.

On a happier note, I’ve taken up the ‘Fool’s Gold’ again; not too long ago, a fellow wiped out and wrote off an eighteen wheel, ‘Belly Dumper’, at work; he wasn’t tested! So, if they’re going to worry about the après work activities of an, ‘asphalt raker’, they can kiss my asphalt goodbye!

Things go better without interference from the boss. On Thursday the boss dropped by our worksite, and, unusual for him, expressed his satifaction for both the quantity and quality of our efforts! You could have knocked me over with an asphalt rake! Not just verbal veneration, but, as we were only a few hundred yards from his acerage, he took it upon himself to zip home and bring us back cans of frosty coke! I think I hurt his feelings when I declined the offered reward, but, while a lot of 'things' go better with coke ...I've never seen diabetes on the list. Besides, in my adult life I've made it a point to never drink 'mix' ....without a reason!

Chained & Unchained Comedy!

What the Fook! Interesting night at Beily’s; ran into the incomparable, Jim Fooks! Jim is back from his second home, or at least, half way back! He’s currently putting in his time in a half way house. Jim is hilarious in bars; a true comic! I’ve met, through my job, people who have done time with him in jail, and they insist that he’s just as funny behind bars! I told him that, while I’ve seen several captive audiences, ...it’s not often I see a captive comic!

I was second up last night, after Mr. Fooks, and regret to say that I left immediately after! I did new material, nearly new material, and all of it was new to Beily’s. I ran it past my, ‘Comedy Evaluator Pro, and was pleased with the results ...for new material. I had taken the Master’s advice, and addressed the issue of my rate of speech:

“People keep telling me I talk slow,
Like a Stroke victem!
They’re right!
I make a point of never talking,
Faster than I think!
I do everything slow!
I won’t even eat fast food!
I like Esgarot!
...But, ...they do,
Make me sluggish!
My old man taught me.
To think before I spoke!
He was a farmer,
Ex army & ex cop!
You did not talk back!
...A second time!”

Weak material, but more than satisfactory audience response, ...at least, to my ear.

I had really wanted to see Sir Lot’s O’ Laughs headliner, but, I was suffering a bad case of, ‘Return to Day Job Blues’. Man! What a day! I got to spend 10 hours swinging a pick at rocks imbedded in road bed; that’s no joke. What makes it worse is that I have to leave for work at 6:00 in the morning. So, if I’m to hold my job, and hit my goal of attending both Beily’s & ‘Refuse to Sit Down’, each week, I just can’t stay out late. I’ve never responded well to discipline, but, I need the ‘stage time’; my diabetes really needs adequate rest, and, just now, can’t do without the job!

Low Talkin' & Slow Walkin'!

Good show in Clavet last night; didn’t know what to expect, I’d never been. I’d met a fellow from Clavet once, and worked with him; great guy and good worker. Part of my duties at my day job involve picking up volunteers for community service work. We pay them $5.00 per day, and I pick them up at the, ‘Urban Camp’, a minimum security Correctional Institution! That’s where I met J.D., and where I picked him up every morning.

He was doing time for his third conviction of possession of ‘Meth’ for the purpose of trafficking. He told me that he’d used ‘meth’ daily for years. I expressed my surprise, as I’ve seen documentaries on the destructive physical and mental effects of regular ‘Meth’ use. J.D. told me that that was correct information, but only for people who binge on the drug, and go for extended periods of time without either eating or sleeping. No food causes the brain to ‘starve’, an alcoholic can go for extended periods without eating because alcohol contains calories. Sleep deprivation causes the brain to become delusional. When you compound the lack of nutrients with prolonged periods without sleep, physical and mental deterioration are rapid and overwhelming. However, J.D. insisted that, providing you ate regularly, and got sufficient sleep every day, you could take ‘Meth’ every day, and lead a relatively normal, productive life.

He’d told me a great deal about the ‘party’ lifestyle in and around the town of Clavet; and, when I think of it, it’s not that much different from anywhere else. Besides, he was a good worker, and pretty easy to get along with. Still, I found myself wondering just what kind of audience we’d be facing that night!

As it turned out it was a great crowd; smaller than the preceding night, with about 60 people in number. Small but mighty; I quickly found that they were easily entertained, and very enthusiastic in their enjoyment. I’d intended to do the same material as the night before with one small addition, and just a few changes in arrangement. However, it doesn’t take much to rattle me, and I was caught off guard when the Jester introduced me as the first act.

The average age was much younger than the previous evening, so, after a few introductory remarks I began by comparing the different way in which youth and age perceive time:

“Youth and age see time differently!
A young fellow views forever,
As the length of time between when,
You come, and she goes!
I’m fifty, and have been married 20 years,
Which means...
I never come!
And she never goes!"

Great reception, but, after I’d left the stage I was dissatisfied with my presentation; the Master, however, came over and told me that, in his eyes, it was the best I’d ever done! The rest of the show went well, with the Master binding them in a spell for over an hour! When we were done the audience members were so kind that it was hard to tear ourselves away. I went out for a smoke and was swarmed. One young fellow shook my hand and said that he’d enjoyed it so much that he’d have gladly paid $100 to attend. Another thanked me and said that I reminded him of Lewis Black; in my books, a compliment indeed. Another noted that I hadn’t been there the year before, and wondered why. It was all a little overpowering! Finally, a young fellow, pretty girlfriend in tow, came out and announced that he’d enjoyed the show so much that he’d, ‘offered to share his girlfriend with every comic in there!’ I pointed out that, ‘I hadn’t been in there.’ He quickly shook my hand and amended the oversight.

On the way back to ToonTown, the Master laid a few more comments on me, and added one suggestion: “You speak a lot slower than most comics. Everyone notices it. You have to address it, make it part of your act, ...if only so people don’t think that you’re a stroke victim!” I can see his point. During this life I’ve garnered, if nothing else, a variety of nicknames; one, from years back, was, “Slow walking, low talking, James”. The Master never misses a trick, ...so I’ll give this some thought!

I did, over the last few months, take time to work on my elocution and rate of speech, and was pleased with the results of the elocution exercises. On the other hand, I just never did feel comfortable speaking at a quicker rate; it just didn’t feel like me! Unless I take up that ‘Meth’ habit, I think that I’ll just stick to being my, “slow walking, low talking”, self!

Ask Sam Slanders!

Dear Sam;

I’m a ‘Comic in Training’, in Kinley SK. It’s my objective to become a professional; so far I’ve applied myself, but the results have been disappointing, even after 32 comic appearances. I entered a contest at a local club, and I worked my material until I knew it inside out and backwards ...unfortunately, that was also the way I presented it! This isn’t easy for me. I’m an introvert! There must be some trick ...please Sam, I’d appreciate any insights you can offer. Sign me...

Tongue Tied in Training!

Dear Tongue;

Well Son, sounds to me that you’re a sow’s ear, with ambitions to become a silk purse! There ain’t no trick to it. It can’t be done; not by yourself, and certainly not by agonizing over ‘material’. Philosophers argued for ages over how to turn baser elements into gold ...and never come up with nuthin’ worth a plate o’ poutine! Well ...maybe there was one exception ...a fellow called Plato. He wrote books, but, ...don’t waste your time reading ‘em; it all boils down to two words: “Know Thyself.”

You call yourself an ‘introvert’, and that’s a term coined by a fellow named Carl Jung. He also coined the term for its opposite, the ‘extrovert’. According to Jung, an introvert is reflective and contemplative, while an extrovert is outgoing and rambunctious; kinda’ like an ‘inner child’, but noisier, and more fun at parties. Jung felt that an introvert could never become an extrovert, but, he also believed that every individual possesses the potential to develop and incorporate their opposite sides. He called the process ‘individuation’, and claimed that it wasn’t just possible, but, essential!

Son, I don’t call it, ‘doing a set’, any more ...haven’t for years! I call it, “Self Presentation!” Don’t ever write material! Try to put on paper your truest reflection of your thoughts and feelings on the matter at hand from your own point of view. It ain’t easy, there’s a knack to it; and, like any knack ...you get better at it with time and effort.

Don’t ‘learn’ your ‘material’, ...'Be' your material! When you rehearse, you aren’t rehearsing a set, you are melding the best edited form of the material, with the best edited form of yourself! When you do rehearse ...rehearse without Ruth! You are working to become yourself, and that takes, again, time and effort. But, as you become yourself, you are becoming absolutely U-Knee-Que & 100% Gen-U-Wine!

After all, you aren’t what you are ...that’s way too limiting. You must become ...what you are becoming! After all, that’s the way Human Potential works. I’ve never had much use for a silk purse, but, there’s always a place for a good sow’s ear!

Showdown in ToonTown!

Wow! Nothin’ like packin’ ‘em in, and squeezin’ a few laughs out of them! Over three hundred people in the Warman community center last night when our Playful Posse of Jokular Jockeys ambled into town. The boys in the Gag Gang were ready for a gambol; ...they were, ‘Packin’ N’ Squeezin’’! “Packin’ N’ Squeezin’, in the literal sense, means carrying a pistol, and unloading it as quick as you can pull your trigger finger! According to my ‘Urban Dictionary’, it describes a “generally balls out, aggressive, gutsy way of life or attitude.” Looked like a shoot out at a more than OK corral!

By, ‘more than OK’, I mean only that the place was filled to capacity; the only way that crowd could have been improved, would be by having smaller tables, thereby having people a little closer together, and allowing even more in the audience. ‘A little distance,’ may be key to a successful relationship, but, the more distance between people in a comedy setting, the more difficult it is to garner the, ‘Big’, laughs. But, there are no quibbles on my part for the response we got last night! The audience was a little older than I’m used to, but they were there to laugh and have a good time! For myself, it was a welcome break from housework!

Hosted by, “Laff Trax”, the Master Emceed, and a veritable, ‘Bat Masterson’, he was; shooting from the lip, every shot his best, and each piercing it’s intended target. Due to a little travel ‘hitch’, I didn’t arrive ‘til just after 8:30, as it started, and it ran till 11:00. First up was Sir Trent O’ Paisley, and due to the fact that I was in the ‘ready’ room, I didn’t see his act, but, from what I heard from the audience, it went well indeed!

I wanted to get a good reaction, but, at the same time I had four new bits to try; three I’d done before, and one a virgin! The perceived wisdom dictates that you should never do more than a minute or two of new material in your regular act, and then, place it right near the beginning, between two established funny bits. And, while that’s good advice, my ten minutes consisted of five established,, and five experimental minutes. I didn’t want to do it all at the beginning, so I did a couple minutes at the beginning, then my established stuff, then a couple minutes at the end. You should always go for your best laughs at the end of your set, but, I was willing to compromise.

"You'll never shoot yourself,

In the foot,

But, you might,

Take your eye out!"

It went well, with myself deriding, as usual, myself! The most interesting moment, from my point of view, was in the pause just after delivering what I consider a good line; for a second, nothing happened, then, in the back right corner, a few people started to laugh. I smiled in their direction, and said, “Thank you!” Immediately the rest of the crowd fell in line!

Next was our Crown Prince; the Jester had told me once that, while he himself excels in bars, the Prince beats him every time in large halls. From what I saw last night, he’s right. Our Prince was at once, warm, comfortable and charming; the audience loved him!

Next was Sir Lot’s O’ Laughs, and he came on stage in the best style of the ‘Spaghetti Western’; ...both guns blazing. Loved his self deprecating opening on the subject of, “Wops”, he began by describing his father:

“My Father was very dark,
Just one look and you knew,
That, at some point,
He’d gotten off a boat!

Blistering set! You could see wisps of cordite smoke from the back of the house! Just wish I knew where this boy get’s his comedic steroids!

Then the Master again took the stage; he informed the audience members that, while, “Laff Trax’ does not stop for breaks, he would entertain for a few minutes, allowing them to get a drink, or have a smoke or restroom break. This takes balls, but, no shortage of those on stage with the Master!

Our ‘Headliner’ for the evening was, Kelly Tailor; I’d seen him only once before, and then had not been introduce. I must admit that I embarrassed myself last night, but then, why should last night be different from any other?! I’d been instructed to meet the Master at 7:30, and arrived on time. By 8:05 I was beginning to feel something was akimbo, and called my Bride to see if I’d misconstrued my instructions. Just then a car pulled up and the Jester jumped out; I didn’t recognize the driver, but went over and explained that perhaps I was who they were looking for.

When we arrived I was too flustered to pay attention to anything but my immediate needs, although I did pause to wonder where our ‘Headliner’ might be. Since the last time I’d seen him, a year ago, Kelly has taken up a gym program and lost a little weight! He was driving the car the Jester jumped from! Didn’t get it figured out ‘til I came offstage!

When Kelly stepped onstage you could hear Sergio Leone whistling amongst the tumbleweeds; the man is a genuine, ‘High Plains Grifter’. This was a ‘Showdown in Big Sky’ country, and it was the audience that died! Loved his beginning; he talked about toilet training his son, and the enthusiasm of children for things we adults take for granted. Great set, ...forty-five minutes the far side of fabulous!

Gotta’ dash! I’ve guests arriving any moment, and another show in Clavett tonight. Must mention, though, while in town today to pick up papers, I found my birthday present! That’s right, this Leghorn now has a Foghorn! Haven’t had time to play with it! But, last night was magic; one of those evenings when, although the coyotes weren’t entirely silent, the moon howled!

Tenacity in ToonTown!

T’was a night of ToonTown tenacity. At Toastmasters we had to vote on admitting our latest member, Manus, to the club; I spoke against the motion; “I say we blackball him! I’ve seen him perform, and, quite frankly, I don’t need the competition!” Oddly enough, when the vote was taken, the vote was unanimous for Manus; they just don’t listen ...not even myself!

Lan, another new member, gave her ‘Ice-breaker’, and an exemplary performance it was; my heart went out to this lady! She told us of growing up in a small city just outside of Shanghai, and her endeavours to get an education. She eventually became a medical Dr., always in the top four in her class, ...for those familiar with Chinese Academia, no modest feat! Five years ago she landed in ToonTown, her husband having accepted a job offer he couldn’t refuse. She took a one year course in English as a second language, and struggled to get her professional accreditation recognized. She now works as a registered nurse, and says that she is comfortable with English, except in dealing with idioms, and, of course, as it is the most difficult aspect of any language/culture to translate, humour. I don’t honestly think that five years in Shanghai under similar circumstances, would entitle me to similar boasting rights! Ya’ gotta’ admire the resilient tenacity!

Another ‘newbie’, a young lady named, I believe, Nicole, won the impromptu portion of the evening, and announced that she is joining our club. At the end of the meeting I shook her hand expressing my admiration and appreciation of her contribution to the night’s entertainment, adding, “Don’t bother filling out the paperwork ...I’m having you blackballed!”

They were really scraping the bottom of the barrel, from the perspective of ‘entertainment’, for our second speaker last night! I gave a presentation on the importance of presenting your material to several different audiences if you wished it to evolve to its full potential. At the same time I insisted that it was just as important to have it completely, and ruthlessly, evaluated at each stage in order to bring that evolution to fruition! Oddly enough, it seemed rather well received! Honestly, ...those kind members at CBA will swallow anything!

Then it was time to find a flask of inspiration at ‘Tim's’, and head on down to, ‘Refuse to Sit Down. Our Jester was in fine form, describing, in some detail, the difficulties faced by a comic when he gets a touch of food poisoning on the very day he is to perform his very first ‘Headline’ act, as well as the disruptions brought on by this digestive disorder ...both descending and ascending! Our Jester is, indeed, a real trouper!

Our first act was, appropriately enough, a first timer. He began his set by apologising for arriving late, ...that he’d taken too long in the shower! Here he pantomimed the universal gesture for the ‘sin of Onan’, stating that his dilemma was one primarily of the single male, as married men, for reasons that should be obvious, seldom have the need! Yes, it had taken forever to get the last drop out of the shampoo bottle! My admiration for a great, ‘Icebreaker’, on his first night on stage at a comedy night!

Long line of comics last night; too many to mention. Sir Lots O’ Laughs is headlining at Beily’s next Monday, and gave a solid performance. Pals Shandy and Barry both went up for a third time, and did quite well. I was happy to see one of the first timers from our unfortunate, ‘Heckle Riot’, two weeks ago in the crowd, but was disappointed that he did not grab the opportunity to take the stage. All told, a much more civilized audience last night.

Early in the evening, as I was talking to the Jester, a young lady approached him and enquired whether she might have a few minutes ‘stage time’. He told her to go for it, and, as she was giving him her name, she expressed the fear that nobody would laugh. “Don’t worry”, I assured her, “I’ll laugh.” It would be the first time I’d seen a lady on stage at Vangelli’s, and I looked forward to it. Last time I saw statistics they indicated that only about 10% of comics are of the female persuasion.

Our Jester introduced her and she began by relating that she’d been at the ‘Heckle-fest’ two weeks previous. Not only that, but, “The first act came on and spent half his set commenting on my breasts!” But, it didn’t appear that she’d been discomfited by this comedic assessment of her assets; indeed, she went on to describe how it was quite common for men, in public, to make ‘mountains of her molehills’. True to my word, I laughed!

Then, a whole whack of new material ready to trip, (perhaps stumble and fall!), off the tip of my tongue, I was up:

“Evening Vangelli’s!
Before I start, I want to assure the young lady,
I won’t stand on stage and talk about your tits!
But, I will comment on your comedic skill,
...Nice Set!”
Ain’t it great to have so many,
Bright, fresh comics,
With bright fresh material!
I call ‘em ‘Comic Studs’,
But, ...I only tell old jokes,
That makes me,
 ...A Comic Dud!
Don’t feel sorry for yourselves!
Feel sorry for my wife!
She’s heard ‘em so often,
She’s trying to get me put,
In an Old Jokes Home!”

I didn’t get through my material, and didn’t take my set list on stage, but shut it down at about 10 minutes. Then, it late, and I tired, I was going to head home, but the Jester announced that there were only two more comics, so I decided to stay. Next up was our, Knight of the Dark countenance, and he did a great ten minutes. Then last, but in his mind, by no means least, was this new guy, Kevin Andrusyshyn!

This fellow has only been at Vangelli’s once before, and is already claiming to be, ‘Taking Refuse to Sit Down’, by storm! Surprisingly, more than a few are agreeing with him. I don’t mean to sound petty, but I’ve been at Vangelli’s for over a year, and, really, what’s this, “Andrusyshyn”, got going for him? OK! I admit, he’s handsome ...in a sort of thuggish way, and packing all the charm of a back country backhouse! A certain stage presence ...though it’s loud and obnoxious, and a sense of humor that would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon! I’m not saying his jokes stink, but ...anyone with more taste might! Still, I must admit, ...if you can see past the overpowering character faults, he’s, well ...funny! An Older chap, though not as high a score in that department as, ‘Yours Facetiously’. Time, in comics, as in wine, tends to ‘knock off’ the rough edges, but this Andrusyshyn seems impervious to erosion! If I were to compare him to a wine I’d have to pronounce him... well, ...a ‘Sparkling Brut’.

“Et tu, Brute” might just be appropriate here, but, personnel feelings and punning aside, “Brut”, in this case, is certainly not champagne! “Brut”, in the old English tradition, is, “a partly legendary, partly historical, (As editor, might I suggest, ...'hysterical'?), chronicle.” So, it appears to me that, this, ‘Kevin Andrusyshyn’, may well be just an old story, in cheap new clothes! ‘Til I’m sure I’ll just keep eating my, ‘Spinach Broncos’.

Then, it was all over, a great night, and, a good time had by most. Before I left I managed to find the young lady comic whose ‘set’ I’d admired, shook her hand, and told her that I hoped to see her back again! I meant to do the same with the ‘Shampoo Bottle’ man, but had lost him in the crowd. Then sails for Kinley I set, shaking my head at the incredible ToonTown Tenacity!

Troubadour On A Treadmill!

I ran my performance at Beilys past my, ‘Comedy Pro Evaluator’, last night, and, ...ain’t it ironic; finally get a business card made, only to have my nose rubbed in the fact that, really, I have no business in this business! Comic life just ain’t for the feeble hearted!

My, ‘PAR’ score for Monday’s show was a paltry ‘12’, which means seven seconds of laughter per minute for nine minutes and thirty two seconds, ..."Ouch"! But, it was new, unrefined material, and, under the new show schedule, (ten minutes fresh material each week), it won’t be the last score in that low rent neighbourhood! It just means we’ll all have to work harder, faster & funnier; really, that’s just how it should be.

I loved reading about the old timers; how they could put together ten minutes material, and, in vaudeville, perform that ten minutes three times a day, for five years, improving it gradually, until they had a real act. Such ain’t the luxury a comic finds now-a-days. Troubadour on a treadmill, would be a more accurate picture.

I have put together ten or twelve minutes of material for, ‘Refuse to Sit Down’, this evening. I’ll do something I’ve not done before; that is, take a set list on stage with me, and, just hope that I don’t have to refer to it, (times too short to be working without a note!). Then, revise it, and work it over the weekend, and see how it turns out on Monday. Wish me luck!

...Gone to the Dogs!

I was chatting with my Bride Prior to leaving for Beilys last night, and I switched to my, ‘Mervin the Martian’, voice. It’s just ...that kind of ...relationship! My dog, ‘Claymore’, had been sleeping by the couch; at the sound of this voice, he leapt up, cast me a concerned look, came over to see what was wrong, and, when the voice continued, went and tried to hide behind my Bride! Weird dog! Weirder still ...that’s the same reaction I generally get from audiences! First, startled concern, then ...they look for somewhere to hide!


A good night at Beilys; hardly any difficulty with my ‘blue eyed bouncer buddy,’ tonight he only asked whether my cigarette contained dope? Without stopping, I replied, “I only wish, Buddy.” The master was at his irrepressible, impeccable best; he gave us a quick, professional tutorial on the proper method of MCing an event, then, a great demonstration. It was a learning experience, and I took note/notes.

One little ‘alarm bell’ sounded when the Master announced that management of the bar was insisting that we, none of us, do repeat nights on our material, ...all new ...all the time! I can understand them having that item on their wish list; I’ve often discussed with my Bride that, ‘Refuse to Sit Down’, would draw a much better attendance if it weren’t for so much repetition. I’m as guilty of that as anyone, ...perhaps more so than most. The best of us, the ‘Crown Prince,’ and, ‘Sir Lots-O-Laughs,’ have fairly extensive repertoire; the rest of us may be able to stretch out four or five shows ...and then ...the line up at the mike may shake down considerably. I can write ten minutes material any time, but, if you’re looking for, ‘funny’, material, well ...that takes a little longer. That, in combination with six months of long 50 – 60 hour work weeks stretching ahead of me, leaves little time for extensive preparation.

We had a much improved crowd last night, from a numerical point of view. Our Jester was doing his first headliner and many of his friends came out to support him, including three of his former High School teachers; as he pointed out, ...finally ...a chance for them to heckle him! Our line up last night was much the same as last week, and I’ll just give mention to a few of the highlights.

Sir Lots-O-Laughs gave one of his best sets yet, that I’ve seen; nice and tight, less wordy than on some occasions, and a fairly broad range of topics over the course of his ten minutes, and, very well received. He was telling me last night that he’d secured a position in producing this year’s, ‘Shakespeare on the Saskatchewan’. I don’t often go out of my way for Shakespeare, but, this year I’ll make an exception; my Bride will love it!

The Master introduced me, announcing that it was my third straight time at Beilys; I don’t like to correct the man on stage, but, I began with:

“I’ve appeared here two times straight,
This time’s going to be Gay!”

My material was the same as last Wednesday at Vangelli’s, just a little revamped, with attention to some of the lines which I’d unintentionally omitted then; to give it balance, I spontaneously omitted several others! I got a little ‘Positive Audience response’, and was pleased with the comfort level I felt on stage; no nerves, just a nice, calm, ‘talk in the Park’! They say that ten minutes is too long to stay on one topic ...the audience wearies of it, and, I think that generally, ‘they’, are right, unless ...you possess the personality to carry it! So, I just have to work on that personality thing; a little more dynamic on stage, and really start to work the vocal variety and facial expressions.

When I got off stage the Master commented on my speaking rate;

“He’s not a stroke victim, folks,
He’s from Ontario,
They all talk that way!”

“Ouch!” Just when I was thinking of this, ‘new material every week’ thing, and had decided that my only hope was to slow down and stretch my material to the max. Oh well, ...it was worth a thought.

Our Jester did a great job as the, ‘Headliner’, and kept the crowd in stitches. It was most entertaining to watch the reaction of his former teachers; they seem to very much enjoy it, and, I’m sure, had seen similar before, ...but, an education in itself, I’m certain.

The only other thing that occurs to me is that the Master was telling us how, when he first began, he’d found a mike, stand and speakers which he’d set up in his basement to rehearse with, as well as a spotlight to replicate conditions on stage. I’d been thinking of doing the same, and will begin looking now; somehow it seems more professional than rehearsing with a flashlight as I currently do. If nothing else, it will certainly amuse/annoy the neighbours on warm summer evenings when the windows are open, and people out and about! Oh well, ...they all thought I was nutz before, and, ...it should really freak out Claymore!

Have a Happy Ha! Ha! ;)

World Laughter Day

Today is ‘World Laughter day’; what better day to put a little thought into comedy. I’m just finished reading another book by, Larry Wilde, “Great Comedians Talk About Comedy.” What can I say? ...I’m just Wilde about Larry! It opens with a little discussion about comedic techniques, but, the main part is just a series of interviews with some of the best Comedians of our time ...well, mainly of time past. It’s worth it alone, to my mind, for just the chapters on Milton Berle, Woody Allen & Phylis Diller.

For the past while I’ve been giving much thought to just where, exactly, I fit in the comic spectrum. To me, the essence of any ‘wit’ I can lay claim to is based on word play ...just love it and would never give it up; there’s nothing I relish more in this world than a ‘well turned phrase!’ When the ‘Jester’ and I were touring Alberta he made one comment that is still stuck in my mind; “You’ll never have to worry about people stealing your material ...nobody could do it but you!” While I more or less agree with him, I might quibble only on his phrasing; “Nobody could” or ... “Nobody would”? There’s a world of difference in there ...somewhere!

Then, I read, ‘Uncle Miltie’, and it turns out, he said it first and best: “A Comic says funny things. A Comedian says things funny!” So, with those words in mind, I’ll work towards being a Comedian, and keep on trying to, ‘say things funny’! It took some time to track down Wilde’s book, but it was worth the wait. I’ve another, by him, on order and it promises to be the best, it’s; “How the Great Comedy Writers Create Laughter”. I’ve had it on order for a while, and have no idea how long it will take. Now I’m going to quote a little bit by Phyllis Diller, on ‘advice to someone who has made the decision to become a comedian’.

“People who think show biz is all glamour sometimes think there is nothing to it, excepting just walk out and be gorgeous and sing or dance or talk. Into all branches of show business go years of work, experience, or training, or all three. When it looks easy, you’re looking at art! To get started in show business, start where you are. There are those who think you have to go to Hollywood or New York to get into the business. I say, a trip around the world starts with the first step and the first step can only be taken in one spot: where you’re standing right now.

Once you’re working, taste is as important as talent. A lot of people who are loaded with talent have no taste. They can’t possibly ever make it. Believing in yourself is completely imperative. Every doubt you have weakens you. You have to be able to face humiliating failure. You have to have great stamina and excellent health.


People have a completely mistaken idea about “Breaks.” There is no such thing as “Breaks.” If you’re looking for “Breaks” you’ve got your eye on the wrong thing. Many people turn down opportunities because they are usually disguised as “hard work.” You’d be amazed the people who will not go out on a limb or progress, or change and hurt a little for a while, to expand their powers. Most are prone to take the easy way, the comfy way. If you’re not hurting a little, you’re not growing.


An entertainer should never give up on-stage. No matter how badly things are going, you keep right on as if everything was all right. A performer who consistently blames “the audience” will never make it. There is no such thing as a bad audience, only a bad performance.


After all, they’re there. They paid to see you. You’re supposed to be the leader and take them where you please. You should not be affected by them, they should be affected by you. If they aren’t, you’re not strong enough to be up there in the white hot lights.


Summing up my advice:


1. Start where you are.
2. Work steady.
3. Read “The Magic of Believing".
4. Realize you’re not going to have “help.”
5. Don’t ever give up.”

Thank you very much Phyllis ...you’re one dilly of a filly! I’d really suggest you read Larry Wilde’s book, “Great Comedians Talk About Comedy.”

The 'Laugh Shop' ...Live & Unplugged!

Sunday is ‘World Laughter Day’, and I think that we should all honour it with a moment’s silence; last night at the, ‘Laugh Shop’, I did just that! Not that I’d intended to on my 28th performance, but, as they say, ... ‘A Fool and his Mike cord are soon parted’.

When my Bride and I arrived at the ‘Laugh Shop’, the first thing I did was check out the stage and the mike... everything seemed in order. I had an introduction typed out for the MC, but, that would do him no good as he, (Mike), is blind, so we went over it verbally. Part of Mike’s opening goes like this:

"When I was twelve they found I had Diabetes,
And told me I might go blind,
At fourteen they told me,
...If you don’t stop masturbating...”

When Mike was introducing me he ‘gapped’ on the name ‘Kinley’, so I prompted him from the wings. All was set, with a great crowd of over 150 people; I did my first two lines with the ‘mike’ in the stand, then started to remove it, when... it disconnected!

I couldn’t understand why this happened, ...couldn’t pause to consider the possibilities, ...just had to deal with it! I never wear my reading glasses on stage, so it took me a couple of seconds to see how the connector aligned. These seconds are excruciating! Some guy yelled, “Can’t get it in the hole?’ I glanced in the direction of the voice, smiled, and said, “Sometimes,” this got a good laugh from the people in the audience close enough to hear. Finally, it was ‘live’ again, ...now I saw the problem, the cord was wrapped around the stand four times at the base!

Some Comics just can't hold their 'Mike!'

This took again a couple seconds to rectify; then, the stand in its proper place, behind me, I could begin again. But, as I started, I found the ‘mike’ cord stuck to my foot! I couldn’t stop talking again, and managed to remove it; the culprit? ...Three inches of the cord was wrapped with two sided tape! A small nightmare that seemed to last an eternity, but, after reviewing my tape, took a total of 23 seconds!

Then I was off and could go sit with the other comics; Dawn, from Edmonton, Trevor, from Rosetown, Sk, and our main attraction, Jason from Milton, Ontario. Both Dawn and Trevor are ‘opening’ acts, which means they generally do about a half an hours material; the former with 4 years experience, the latter with 8 years.

Dawn followed me; she’s an aboriginal lady, a playwright with four plays to her credit, and an ongoing TV show. She began by, (shamelessly to my mind!), ‘riffing’ on one of my lines.

“I’m a comic, so I still live in my parents apartment,
But I don’t like making out with my boyfriends there!
Yes! ‘James’ isn’t the only one who’s been, ‘up at the crack of Dawn!’
So we make out in the parking lot!
I just wish my boyfriends had cars!”

My Bride and I enjoyed the rest of the evening. There were many highlights; too many to mention. There was a ‘Birthday’ girl there in her early twenties, and her party was addressed by the MC and some of the comics, but, I’m afraid she’ll not recall much of it. When I went out for some fresh air after my set I met her on the stairs, obviously at the ‘tipping point’ of intoxication, and she gave me a slurred thanks for attending her party. Later, when Trevor and I went out for more of that same fresh air, we met her again; birthday parties are a tradition at many comedy clubs, and the celebrants all take their best shot, but, this lady had been beset by way too many ‘shooters’. She was crying and apologising for making a fool of herself; it’s a shame but, ...birthday parties have a way of becoming way too old ...way too fast!

I was enjoying talking with Trevor, when a young fellow, leaving the show, stopped to tell me how much he enjoyed my material, and shook my hand. Inside I gathered my stuff and collected my Bride; the assistant manager came over and thanked me for coming out, adding that I was invited back anytime! Good stuff!

I ran my ‘set’ past my ‘Comedy Evaluator Pro’ first thing this morning; I went 5 minutes and 55 seconds, for a ‘PAR’ score of 34, which means an average of twenty seconds of laughter per minute. The best minute was #5, with a PAR score of 55%, or, 33 seconds of laughter per minute; so, despite the ‘screw-ups’, I’m more than happy with my performance! Some day my fantasy will be realized! A 'PAR' score of 100% ...man ...that'll be cool! Don't say a word ...just stand there and enjoy the applause! (Can't see it happening any time soon!)