"Abandon Hype All Ye Who Enter Here!"

Steppenwolf

"Eternity is a mere moment; just long enough for a joke!"

Monday, January 18, 2010

I Hate Mike!



Well, I used to hate Mike, but, I find that, as I get to know him better, our relationship is improving. My experience with microphones had, up until recently, been limited to the, Lavaliere, type. I liked them before, and I still do, but, they have several limitations. First, they’re expensive, so you won’t see them at most venues. Second, they work by radio signals, and are great in a facility that has used them for a long time. However, if you take your own to an event, you won’t know where there may be ‘dead spots’ in your presentation area, and, worse still, what interference you may pick up from outside sources. Third, they clip to your tie, lapel or shirt collar and are immobile. If you turn your head to either side while addressing the audience, the distance between your lips and the ‘mike’ increases; subsequently you will experience unintended variation in your volume.


“You can be polished, poised and comfortable before an audience. You can have years and years of speaking before various groups, yet there is one situation that can make you look, (and feel), like the rankest amateur; having to speak with a microphone. No matter how comfortable and experienced you may be in front of an audience, when handed a mike, nothing about using it is intuitive.”

John Cantu

When I first stepped on a Stand-up stage, I was concerned about stage fright, hecklers and being unfunny. I felt that was enough, then, I met Mike. He wasn't Lavalier! His behaviour ...strictly Cavalier! He was standing there, front and centre stage, waiting for me! Now I had to think about it, but, I didn’t have much time. I could leave Mike as He was, but, I like to move around; leaving Him in the stand would anchor me to within three to four inches of His head! Besides, He was too high for me! I tried to adjust His height, but His adjustor was tight, and, to be frank, my palm was sweaty! Finally I tried to pull Him from His holder on the stand. Smooth move! I got His cord tangled. While I was untangling it I managed to turn off Mike's switch. Now I had Him free, but He wasn’t amplifying anything I said! Whoever said that I  wasn’t funny in front of an audience? Finally I got Him turned back on. Then, not wanting to be near His stand, I stepped away. But my foot was on His cord! I’d just managed to snatch Mike from my own hand! By this point, the audience wasn’t in 'His'terics, but I nearly was!

Someday I’ll purchase a mike and stand, just to rehearse with. In the meantime I rehearse with a flashlight. That’s important; you have to get used to holding that mike just below the tip of your chin. Any higher and you’re obscuring part of your face. Much lower and it won’t pick up your voice. And be sure to follow your chin as you swivel your head. Otherwise you’ll get variations in volume.

Now I’ll give you a few pointers I’ve picked up in dealing with a microphone and stand. I’ve managed to do all of these, but I don’t think I’ve ever managed to do them all on the same day. Always start by adjusting the stand to the proper height for yourself, even if you don’t intend to use it. Sometimes the MC will just hand you the mike; if that’s the case, take the time to retrieve the stand and set it up. Now, if you’re using the stand, you’re good to go. If, however, you want freedom of movement, carefully pluck the mike from its holder. Place the stand directly behind you so you won’t be dodging it throughout your act. Now check where the cord is, and, if necessary, flip it back behind you. Now you’re good to go.

When you finish all you have to do is reach back, move the stand into place, drop the cord through the holder, say “Goodnight”, and ease the mike back into place. If you want to look professional though, make it a three step process. A minute or two before you finish, preferably while the audience is laughing, reach back and bring the stand forward, and thread the cord through the holder. Do your next few lines with the mike in your hand. About 30 seconds before you finish, preferably while the audience is laughing, drop the mike back into the holder. This is why you adjusted the stand before you began. Now you can do your last half minute with your hands free, and no wrestling with the stand as you say “Goodnight”.

I think that, ideally, I’d like to use a headset mike like you see Brittany Spears use in her videos. You don’t need hands. It stays in the perfect place for voice reception, and there’s no cord to trip on. Until then, I’ll just grit my teeth, and make Nice with Mike.

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