Zombie Comedy!

After the, “Bullet”, it was great to return to Vangeli’s for their ‘Comedy Christmas Bash’. Because of my abandoning my desk to do the extra show, I spent Wednesday preparing for my ten minutes. Because of some of the material I was going to do, I decided to wear my kilt, all dressed up with a sprig of Mistletoe and two red balls attached to my sporran. My bride was accompanying me on this adventure. She had the next day off, so we could stay late.

It is a young crowd at Vangeli’s, mostly either in University, or with a university education. We got there at 8:30 pm and it was mostly empty. By 9:30 it was filling nicely. I went out for some fresh air, and was joined by two young ladies and one of their gentleman admirers. One of the ladies asked, “What do you wear under those ‘skirt’ things?” I replied, “I can’t really speak for the rest of us, but ...the best of us ...prefer just a touch of lip gloss! The young fellow started laughing; the two girls didn’t! She went on; “Does lip gloss protect you from STD’s?” “No,” I replied, “I believe it contributes to the cause!” I opened my coat and showed them my Mistletoe. The young fellow doubled over, (Laughing!). Both ladies laughed, the one, nudging her girlfriend, said, “Well, ...you go for it Marcie!” I escaped back into the bar.

The show started with Santa giving gifts to all the comedians. I got a book titled, “The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead”. Sarcastic Bastards! They’re either referring to my age, or my stage presence! Most likely both! It might also have to do with last time the, 'Court Jester', introduced me at Vangeli's. He warmed up the audience by telling them how, the night before, he'd attained his ultimate fantasy of sleeping with a woman twice his age. It went over well! Then, I was on:

Name's James

I have the same fantasy.

When I was 25, I dated a woman of 50.

It was great!

I'd do it again!

But ...the only place I'd find a woman twice my age,

...that was willing...

Is in a grave!

...Still ...I'd be diggin' it!

But, it was an evening for roasting the comics.

Then I got to do my ten minutes. I was the only amateur for the evening, and was followed by a comic from Vancouver, one from Toronto, then the Saskatoon boys. It was great fun, but, I was tired from the evening before. The ‘Court Jester’ later apologised for putting me on before two pro’s who were doing their’, ‘A List’ material. I told him that was OK; I was doing my, ‘A List’ material too. I’d decided to do a spiel on relationship gift giving; I know, it’s been done, but I took a different angle.

I began:

Name’s James.

Most of you didn’t know, but I’m married.

Twenty eight years. Same woman.

I understand ...I’m not clapping either.

It’s kinda’ sad really.

Classic case of, “A poor relationship choice!”

But, there’s nothing like marriage.

To sober up love.

Sign it into rehab.

And toss buckets of water

When it gets the DT’s!

But ...she made that choice!

And I’m holding her to it!

Afterwards the roast began, with the highlights of the year past at Vangeli’s, (some of the lowlights too!) But, all told, it was a fun evening. The best part, for both myself and the audience, was seeing the charming and immensely talented, ‘Jim Fuchs’, take the stage as the evening’s Headliner. It was the first time I’d ever seen Jim perform sober; he was excellent! We left about 12:30 ...way past bedtime for this Zombie!