All Fuched Up! (and no place to go!)

I’m a little weary today; got home at 12:30 am, and the alarm went off for work at 4:30. Beilly’s was not bad last night, although not too many familiar comic faces; a fairly good crowd for a Holiday Monday. Found the Master explaining to one somewhat intoxicated comic that he could not perform that evening; it seems the individual in question had been at Ally Katz two weeks previous, and went on stage so drunk that he could not articulate simple words, and that, folks, makes for a really challenging Stand-up act. He was banned from Ally Katz until such time as he has demonstrated his good behaviour; last night was not considered a positive element in that demonstration!


One fellow there I’d not seen before, and he did a so-so set which seemed to evolve around, “Poop and Period”, jokes. Not my tastes to be sure, but, the audience seemed to like it. I stayed till 11:00 pm, and watched the first half of Tommy Savitt’s set; once again he was professional and polished, not to mention hilarious. To no one’s surprise, and to this fool’s dismay, Mr Savitt has advanced to the comedy finals on Oct. 25th. It’s starting to look like an interesting contest.

There were as many people at Beilly’s last night as there had been at Ally Katz on Sunday, but the room at Beilly’s is cavernous in comparison to the other, and crowds disappear into the darkness. They had green spot lights set up for some reason, and every comedian that climbed on stage immediately took on a sickly, Martian pallor.

A good night, with more of the usual hi-jinks, but I can’t tell of it all now as I’m tired and must get myself rested and prepared for my ‘Humour’ contest tomorrow evening. I’ll let you know how that goes; at least at Toastmasters there should be no drunks on stage, and I’d be willing to bet there are no Angels in the crowd either. P.S. Last night makes appearance number 45.

Ally Katz & Angels!

Last night I caterwauled at ‘Ally Katz’ nightclub on main street Saskatoon, and, while perhaps not a howling success, I managed not to get knocked off the fence by a flying boot. I’d never been before, but ‘Alley Katz’ is the Master’s new Sunday night venue, and this was his fifth show there. It was a nice, informal setting, with an audience of perhaps 80; a little older crowd perhaps, than I’m used to, but fairly enthusiastic and appreciative.


There was an assembly of angels in attendance, and, though I didn’t spot a single halo, there were plenty of beards, beer bellies and tattoos. Motorpsycho enthusiasts are comedy fans too, and there’s nothing so endearing to a comic’s ear as a hearty beer belly laugh!

The Master was in fine form last night and informed me that he suspects he and his wife are possibly pregnant again; if this is the case it will bring them to just one short of an official dozen! With those domestic numbers I can see why the Master needs to get out nights; however, just for myself, I think my sense of humour would have dried up by six! You have to admire the man; he home schools them all.

The evening was billed as an entirely ‘pro’ night, and I was both surprised and flattered to be given an opening slot. One of my favourites, the irrepressible Jody Peters, took the second slot on the bill, and reminded the audience that realistically, any citizen of Saskatoon is only one generation removed from the farm. He went on to tell us about his two weeks in Italy, and how tourism is complicated when you travel solo, and have no grasp of the native language.

Tommy Savitt was the headliner. This fella’ won the 2007 Boston Comedy Competition, the 2008 Seattle Comedy Competition and a 2009 LA Comedy Award for Best in Comedy. I’d seen Tommy perform last Spring, but, he is soft spoken for a comedian, and I’d been surrounded by chatty people in a room separate from the stage and subsequently didn’t hear much of his material, though I could see the audience in the main room lapping it up.

Last night I had a much better location, and thoroughly enjoyed his 40 minute set. Many of our local comedians, (and here I include myself), tend to be a little too wordy; Mr. Savitt was wordy too, but the difference was that, regular as clockwork, every fifteen or so words brought a huge laugh response from the audience. A great show and I was left wanting more. Tonight at Beilly’s I’ll get more!

Tonight the, ‘Great Western Comedy Contest’, continues at Beilly’s, and Tommy Savitt is competing! Between you and I, it looks like he might be a contender!

Put in My Place!

Haven't had much time for comedy, but did get in a little stage time at the Toastmasters Humour contest. I talked about education in general, my experiences with it, and, in particular, how my daughter Allison managed to go from a grade nine drop out to her first year in university. It was fun; I went with a tight opening, a loose ending, and a compendium of way too many jokes to place between the two.

A Latvian MBA talked about how the dream of most citizens of former Soviet States is to take a vacation in America, and his own experiences doing the same. A robustly elderly woman of Danish descent did a nicely ironic piece on, “Why?” One lady did a bit on her cats’ toilet training, or lack of same, and my pal, Terry McBride talked about how to manage a frugal vacation in Norway.

I was also ‘persuaded’ to go into the impromptu portion of the evening’s contest, and was given, as my verbal assignment, the question, “Where do you find inspiration?’ It was fun, and funner still to listen to how the other contestants responded to their own questions.

When all was said and done, I managed to squeak into forth last place in the Impromptu Contest, and a steady, second last in the Humour Contest. To my mind the funniest person there was the Danish lady with her ponderings on, “Why?” All told, a fun night.

Coulda' Been a Contender!

Went into Beily’s on Monday for the second night of the Comedy Contest; small turn out comic wise. I’d decided to do some of my poor material, because ....well, because I have plenty of poor material. What little I have that I consider above the ‘poor’ bar I want to save for later in the game, sort of, I suppose, “Joke-a-dope”. Jim Fooks and Joel Jefferies took first and second place last week. I’d heard that the Jester and a few others were coming to compete, but, as it turned out I was wrong.


The Master presided over a short ‘comedy’ lesson, immediately prior to the show; it was good. We had one comic ‘virgin’ in attendance, but, when asked to compete he demurred, as he’d left his material at home. The Master said that one of the first things he’d tell any starting comic was, “to slow down on their delivery,” however, he was kind enough to state that I needed no such advice; I suspect he feels a carrot and stick/cattle prod might be more aligned to my needs.

The show began about 9:35 with the Master at the helm, followed immediately by Mr. Fooks. First comic up was Trent Paisley, who did very well; I’m always impressed with Trent’s work. Then, it was my turn to rise to the occasion and shine; and, shine I did in a low wattage kind of way. Joel had suggested that I try to do my material in a very angry manner, as it seemed to be working that evening, so, I turned up my rage engine, but admit that it wasn’t firing all that well. I did an unscripted bit each of the topics of, Winnipeg’s Dominatrix Judge, (Fun in the sack, I imagine, but, you’d have to remember that you were on your honour. I followed that with a brief look at the recent dilemma in Regina that ensued after it was found that people were stealing and drinking hand sanitizer.

Immediately after coming offstage, I vacated the premises; it’s tough living under a comic curfew! That leaves me with another four, possibly five, appearances in the Comedy Contest, and I don’t think that I’ll be able to stay to the finish of any of them. In addition The Jester is having a comedy night at Vangelli’s on the 22nd, and I have two Toastmaster’s Humour contests before the month’s end. It’s stuff like this that break up the monotony.

I learned yesterday, when I arrived home, that I’d made it into the finals; I imagine that I placed second to Trent Paisley. That’s good; now I can have a little fun, and work on my material for the finals!

Back On Board!

Made it to Beily’s last night; it felt good to be back. It turned out to be a small, but enthusiastic crowd; perhaps 50 people. The biggest change was in the comic roster; our Crown Prince is in LA for a couple of months, Sir and Lady Lots O’ Laughs have returned to the Territories, and the one and only ‘Jester’ is doing his ‘jesting’ in Edmonton these days. Under those circumstances it was it was a meagre line up, but, the quality was there.


The Master opened the proceedings with a half hour of hilarity. In the line up was Jim Fooks, Joel Jeffrey, and myself; generously the fellows let age precede talent and I was able to go on first. I’d been concerned about my reception at Beily’s in the past, as well as an inability to hold the audience, but, last night I seemed to find a connection, and, from my point of view, everything seemed to go quite well.

The Master is running a Comedy Contest, and I had believed that it was to start next week. At the last minute he decided to start it last night, with the audience voting for who they felt did the best. I left immediately after my presentation, and never did hear how the polling went. As it sits I’m committed to doing Beily’s for the next seven weeks, but must get my rest if I’m to continue working, and getting up at 4:30 am.

All told, a good evening, and, my 42nd comic appearance. It felt a little strange with so many familiar faces missing, but ...it was still good.

Summer Dull Drums!

September 2nd; most of the summer spent at work without many laughs! ...It’s enough to piss off the Good Humour Man! Time to dust myself off, and see if I can’t put a little spit shine on my sense of ha-ha! I heard earlier this week that the Master is commencing a Comedy Contest next Monday at Beilys’, so I asked my brutal large, semi-domesticated, Rig-Pig pal, ‘Bam-Bam’, if he might like to take a turn at treading the comedic boards. To my surprise the suggestion was met with, well, shall we say reluctance? My Sasquatchewanian pals aren’t prone to timidity, and, ‘Bam-Bam’ is just the chap to pack lots of punch in a punch line, so I will chalk his hesitancy up to honest reserve, and natural modesty. That said, it looks like I may have to take the slot myself!

And not a moment too soon! I’m afraid that I’ve been caught up in the ‘Dull Drums’ of summer! The sun beating down on me, and, more often than not, rain. Day after long dreary day suffering the unending bastinado of the reluctant wage slave, accompanied always by the somnolent throb of a big Cat engine; I’d write it all off as a bad dream, except, try as I might, I could never fall asleep!

I did try upon occasion. One hot day I was caught up in the repetitive tedium of working for a half an hour, then sitting and waiting for a truck with more raw material, (not only was it repetitive, but, it happened over and over again!). It was what I call a ‘three knuckle’ day; any worker will occasionally find him/her self standing around with his/her finger up his ass, but, it’s a dull day when you have time to get all three knuckles up there. So, I wasn’t going to stand for it; instead I lay down in the bed of a pickup, and had barely closed my eyes when my boss, whom I call ‘ZZ’, not so much ‘cause he’s the ‘Top’, as the fact that I often find him catchinging ‘Z’s when his schedule isn’t too demanding. Thus began the ‘twenty questions; “What if his boss caught me?” “What if a rate-payer saw me sleeping on the job?” Finally I gave up; who can sleep under that kind of quizzical deluge?

Later that day I saw my aforementioned boss nip into the cab of the pickup and fire up the air conditioner. But, I suppose the sun beating relentlessly through the windshield onto his lap was giving him a sweaty scrotum, because it wasn’t long before he emerged briefly, to re-situate into the back seat. It wasn’t long before I saw his head slumping towards the glass in the door; for a few minutes it alternated between upright and slumped, then he settled in for a nice nap. Half an hour went by, and I didn’t dare disturb him.

Along came a local farmer in a beat up pickup. He crops 3200 acres; I know that because I talked to him extensively. I watched as he pulled alongside the company pickup, and stared inside. Finally He came to a stop by yours’ facetiously, said ‘Hello’, and enquired, “Is that guy sleeping in the back of the truck?” I explained that we had everything done that could be done prior to the arrival of more material, and changed the subject; we chatted for twenty minutes, all the time the farmer watching ‘ZZ’ catching ‘Z’s.

Finally, ‘ZZ’ shrugged off his lethargy, and, with a quick nod in our direction, scuttled off ...under a rock I suppose, ...it’s cooler there! Our Truck arrived, and work commenced in earnest. I was standing with my pals, ‘Bam-Bam’ & ‘The Green Machine’, when ‘ZZ’ approached, “What,” he demanded, “did that guy want?” As tactfully as I could, I replied, “He wanted to know who was sleeping in the back of our truck?”

I’m fascinated how different audience members respond to a good line! My pals thought this hilarious, ‘ZZ’ however, responded not with humorous appreciation, but rage! Poor me, I was subjected to a bulgy eyed lecture on the inappropriateness of sarcasm in the workplace, particularly when directed at a self-supposed superior. I was threatened with dismissal, despite my explanation that, while it might have been sarcasm, it was sarcasm from the farmer; I only conveyed the information under direct request! Some people just can’t take a joke! So, off to Beily’s next Monday, where people do have a sense of humour. I only hope that ‘ZZ’ doesn’t show up, ...nothing more distracting than someone sleeping in the audience!

Dull Drums of Summer

It’s the dull drums of summer. The sun beats down. The CAT engine beats a steady rhythm. I get home at night completely ...beat! It’s been almost three weeks since I last did stand-up, and I can’t see that changing for a while. Too many hours working on road resurfacing, and the nights I have made it out have been just too late. So, I’ve fallen into a dull routine, work ...sleep, repeat as necessary.

"Crooked Trees"

My bride and I have gotten away for one weekend to Red Berry Lake, and saw, not just Saskatchewan’s ‘Crooked Trees,’ but, its’ biggest tree as well. I was excited for my dog, Claymore; I figured that he’d get local bragging rights if he’d pissed on Saskatchewan’s biggest tree, that it might increase his stature in the eyes of Kinley’s local dogs. I got him primed like an industrial pump and let him at it! Poor fellow; his self-esteem wouldn’t stretch to that calibre! Instead he sought out a sapling to christen.

"Squirt won't Squirt!"