Fool in Abstentia!

Yes, I had intended to post sooner, but, shortly after I last poked, and only a couple hours prior to departing for a Monday night appearance at Beilys, the Master’s venue, I got a note from the Master to the effect that Management at that venue had requested that I not grace their premises with my comedic presence! Now, I’m not used to getting requests, and have to admit that I was so flattered, I could hardly say no. As that is the only amateur comedic available to me in this province at this time, it meant that really there was nothing to report on.


Why did this come about? I’m not sure. Management there had requested that nobody repeat material from one show to another, but, I hadn’t seen anybody accomplishment. Even the Master, whose repertoire is extensive, did, I noticed, repeat from time to time. At the same time the Master had told me that Management had commented that they weren’t happy with my performance, but, the only reason given was that I seemed to know what I was going to say, as opposed to being an ‘off the cuff’ comic!

Well, there is no such thing, to my knowledge, as an ‘off the cuff’ comic, but many try to appear that way! Let me amend that; there are not many good ‘off the cuff’ comics. In the last year I had seen many appear without having given any apparent effort or preparation in their act; while they appeared ‘off the cuff’, they also never appeared on the charts laugh-wise!

I may or may not attempt to do another fifty performances, I’m just not sure at this time. I come away from the experience with a few gains; it made me more comfortable before a crowd, and that is never a bad thing. It allowed me, for the first time in my life to feel comfortable in a busy bar; I’d never liked the noise, the crowd, nor the mercantile nature of the establishments. However, that dissonance was most likely attributable to the fact that I never really had what I considered a valid reason to be in a bar.

I had enjoyed putting together this blog, so I’ll have to look at whether to start another one on another topic; there’s not much merit in writing about something I’m not actually doing. I could write a blog on books I’m currently reading, but, ...that might be real dull. I’ll have to think about it, and, as soon as I come up with something, I’ll write about it here.

No Fooling!

Made it to the Fez last night by 8:45, and found a crowd ...most notable by its absence! There were two tattooed celebrants balancing cautiously in their chairs; they were well past their comedic, ‘best before’ date, and left before anyone else arrived. I was joined by the young fello from Beily’s on Monday night, Alex, and we talked while waiting for Myles who apparently hosts this room.

In the meantime, four other people showed up, two of whom wished to try stand-up for the first time. By 9:45 the bartender was getting a little edgy and real curious as to how he might get in touch with the elusive Myles Morrison! Unfortunately, we could not help him in his quandary!

I toyed with the idea of volunteering to host it myself, and would have, except there were only six people there, besides the Bartender and Bouncer, four of whom were there to entertain; that left just two people for an audience. A better man might have went ahead, but, this man decided that it was somebody else’s screw up, and they might be best to un-screw it themselves.

It’s just such occasions as this that leave me wondering whether or not you can take fools seriously? I doubt that the Fez will want anything more to do with comedians, and, I haven’t been able to get in touch with Myles! Much to serious a matter to laugh about, and, ...I’m afraid that I’m too damn’d old to cry!

"Wrong Finger!"



Fool at the Door!

Well, it’s January; in Roman mythology, Janus is the god of gates, doors, doorways, beginnings, endings and time. He is usually depicted as having two heads, facing opposite directions; one head looks back at the last year while the other looks forward to the new, simultaneously into the past and future. The old Saxons called the month, ‘Wulf-monath’, (meaning wolf month), and Charlemagne called it, ‘Wintar manoth’, (winter/cold month). Any or all of the above are appropriate; it’s a new year, it’s cold, and, if the wolf comes to the door here in Kinley, he’d best bring his own lunch!

It is a time of new beginnings, and, with that in mind, I went down to Beily’s Comedy night. A small crowd ...perhaps fifty appreciative patrons. Our host for the evening was the irrepressible Joel Jeffery, just returned, defrosted and refreshed, from two weeks in Florida! The comics slowly straggled in, and, by 10:00 pm or so, we were ready and rarin’ to go! With typical aplomb Joel warmed up the audience, and the night began.

First up was a newcomer, a young fellow celebrating the last day of his nineteenth year by doing ten minutes stand-up. Despite his lack of experience he was quite confident, had plenty of material, and, what sets him apart from most newbies I’ve seen, he had his material mastered. All told it was an admirable showing, the comic himself was pleased with his performance, and we can be sure he’ll be back another week.

Next up was Junior, and he did an entire set of new material. Most comics avoid this, as ten minutes of new material presents a whole world of vulnerability to an audience, and, instead, mix a minute or two of new material into eight or ten minutes of their tried and true. However, Jr., pulled it off in a colourful and animated presentation which lacked but a handful of punch lines! Don’t get me wrong, I admire Jr. for doing that, but it makes it difficult for the comic as the audience behaves much better if they are fed some sure fire laugh provoking lines.

Next was the most important person in the night’s line up; the comic who guarantees everybody else looks good, by looking not so good himself. That’s right, in Saskatoon comedy we do have a low standard, and last night, as so frequently happens, I was the one to set it! Actually it went pretty well; I’ve mentioned before that Beily’s presents a lot of space, and fifty people fill that space in an uncluttered manner. I had a few tables in front of me, but separated by a couple acres of dance floor, and the rest of the crowd spread out along stage left, and filling in across the back of the bar. In spite of all I did manage to get laughs from everywhere except that big ‘black hole’ to stage right.

Our next comic was a fellow who’d I’d seen perform a year ago at Vangelli’s, and had seen, though not performing, a couple weeks ago at the Fez. Last night he delivered and delivered well. He was, originally, a Saskatoon native, but, in his pursuit of a comedic career, now works out of Vancouver, BC. He has certainly developed the famed laid back west coast style, and much of his humour was conveyed through jokes about Vancouver’s marijuana culture. All told a fine performance.

Then the Master took the stage, and, as it was getting late, I decided to exit smiling, stage left. For the first night of ‘2011 all went very well. Once again I was feeling rusty from a rather long stretch of non-performing, but, it did feel good to be back. Tonight I have an appointment at the Fez, where, I’m told, a young lady will be bustin' her comedic cherry ...I’ll let you know all about it.

Foolish Resolution!

A slow week in Saskatoon comedy wise; the Master tried to generate enthusiasm For a ‘clean’ comedy show on Boxing day, but, everybody is too caught up in the Holidays to respond on such short notice. So, there will be two venues available to me this coming week: Beily’s on Monday, and, the Fez on Tuesday. Beily’s has been pulling a small crowd every night, (it would be a ‘big crowd’ in a smaller room.), and I have no way of predicting how attendance will be at he Fez.


I began this venture by saying that I would do stand-up one hundred times, and I have apx. fifty appearances to go. I have no doubt in my mind that I’ll be able to get them in between now and June, still ...I find myself champing at the bit. However, “Be it resolved that this Fool will do fifty more appearances A.Q.A.P!

It will be interesting to see how the Fez pulls through; the facility is acceptable, but you really need people in the audience to make things work, and I don’t know if they can draw the people. For the sake of Myles, and, of course ....myself, I hope that it works.

On the possibility that the Fez does not work out, I do have a back-up plan, one that might get me a little more stage time. I have been talking to the management of a bar, and they are willing to have a comedy night under the auspices of yours’ truly. It has a far better set up than the Fez, and isn’t as cavernous as Beily’s.

But, I must bide my time, as it is right across the street from Myles’ new room at the Fez. I don’t want to be in competition with other comedians for crowds at this time; I’d far rather see Myles do well than two have both ventures wallow into irrelevance! Just as important as the crowds, are the comics, ...we don’t really have enough in Saskatoon to form two separate markets; theirs barely enough talent to see one venue stay fresh and interesting. I don’t include Beily’s in my calculations as it is at a different area of town, and draws a different audience.

We have 250,000 people living in Saskatoon, you’d really think that we could keep two places going on a weekly basis. I don’t count the Parktown, as it is primarily pros, and they go to a different town every week, ...they also have a dedicated following that comes back week after week.

The worst that can happen is that I end up with two venues per week, and, realistically, that’s a big improvement over last year. The best? Well, I could end up hosting my own room! That, although bringing a host of new problems, would be great. Ah well, ...a Fool can dream!

A Fool Un-Fezed!

Tuesday evening I decided to check out, and do a Christmas set, at Saskatoon’s newest comedy room, ‘The Fez’. The room itself was started by friend and comic, Myles Morrison, and had only been active for three nights. I arrived at the address at 8:50 and descended a long, narrow flight of stairs into a gloomy basement. Immediately I spied three figures chatting with each other; two looked like members of the band, ‘Spinal Tap’, and the other, less ‘exotic’, turned out to be the bartender. The rest of the room was vacant.


The room itself was interesting in a very ‘Hard Rock’ sort of way; the high ceiling was a maze of water pipes and furnace ducts. The highlight of the room was a huge stage, set up and accoutered for enthusiastic rock bands. The room itself was large, and split into three sections, of which the middle section addressed the stage, and was separated from it by only the dance floor. In retrospect I can only presume that the light and sound systems were state of the art.

Within moments I was joined by Myles; I’d been anxious to find out how he’d made out in Los Angeles. Myles told me that the scene there was interesting, and so awash with hopeful comics that a person might have to apply 3 – 4 weeks in advance for a five minute set at one of the many open mikes! The talent, as it were, formed an interesting spread, from very poor to very good, with little or nothing in between! The reason for this, according to Myles, was that it was composed almost entirely from comics with less than one years experience, or people with five or more years. What happened to all those years in between? Many had given up in disgust, but the rest were elsewhere looking for venues where they could get more stage time! L.A. is awash with comic ambition!

Myles, with the help of contacts, was able to get on a couple of good shows, at least one of which was televised. Even then the competition is so keen, that, for each comic willing to work for money, there are twenty who’ll do it for free. It’s just such similar odds that keep hookers looking for paying customers!

By this time we’d been joined by, “Junior”, the rising star in our Saskatoon comic community, who just recently took second place in Beily’s comedy contest, and a young fellow from Vancouver who’s been doing stand-up for about a year. Myles regaled us with stories of vicious heckling in some of Saskatchewan’s rougher bars. The best was of when he and the Master had been in a place so far out in the boonies that civilization was held, locally, to be a myth, wishful thinking, or an outright lie!

On the evening in question the Master had been doing a little cross-cultural provocation when one of the members of the audience took verbal offense! The heckler stood up, and turned out to be a red headed individual of the extra-largish variety, with a thick Scottish, (...and we both know how they can be!), accent! Somehow the offended member was soothed and re-seated. In no time, however, our hapless Master had managed to insinuate an offending barb beneath the Caledonian’s plaid ass! My Haggis breathed brethren aren’t renowned for their linguistic diplomacy, and this one, having tried once and failed, quickly reverted to the more physical variety! He charged the stage!

Myles said that he’d been concerned for the Master’s well being, but the Master slowed the barbarian’s charge with a well placed boot in the throat! This might have ended the encounter, except that those of Highland heritage often eschew such gentle chiding; in seconds the red giant was off the floor, and had the Master down on the stage trying to gauge his eyes out with his thumbs! By that time the cavalry, (in the form of Myles and the Hotel bouncers), arrived, and with a forceful appeal to reason, removed the enraged patron from their patronage! The Master dusted himself off, and, with a smile to the audience, explained that it was difficult to be funny immediately after being violent; the show went on.

By this time two more comics had shown up from Vancouver, so, we had a full house ...of comics, but ...no audience! The Hard Rock, Spinal Tappers were the only two besides ourselves, and comedy might never penetrate skulls thickened by so many years of head bangin’. So the show was called off, and we comics slunk away to our various destinations.

No Fool Like a Snow Fool!

Took a little 1800 mile jaunt to Toronto, Ontario, last weekend, or, as the locals in Saskatchewan refer to it, ‘the center of the universe’, and they don’t mean that in an admiring way! Thirty miles of driving each way just don’t leave much time for an extended social call. The roads through Northern Ontario can be difficult this time of year, and, while we were there, areas surrounding Toronto got six feet of snow! That has the look of the winters I knew as a kid, and haven’t seen in years! It’s enough to frost your pumpkins.

We took my van and saved on hotel bills by sleeping in it and preparing most of our meals. Not as bad as it sounds; my van has a king size bed, a kitchen, furnace and washroom facilities! No snow tires though, and that would be something I’d think of for next time. We had to stop four hours early one day on the way there; it was four-thirty in the afternoon and we got hit by freezing rain. When we saw more vehicles in the ditch than on the highway than on the road we knew it was time to camp for the evening!

Our first roadside sleepover the temperature hit -30 C, with a wind chill of -37. Inside our RoadTrek we were comfortable, even to the point of turning off the furnace when we crawled under our pile of comforters. My Bride and Damn’d Dimwit Terror travelled ‘Doggie Style’, by which I mean, I’d start driving about 7:00 am, and they’d stay in bed ‘til about noon.

Ontario was much like it was two years ago when I was last there, except they had more snow and less employment. I had intended to break away from friends and family evenings and hit a few comedy clubs, but, that turned out to be easier said than done. So, now I’m back home, it’s time to get my nose back to the comedy grindstone!

Scot on the Saskatoon Rocks!

Billy Connolly is a big name in international comedy, and, on Thursday, Nov. 18th he performed at TCU place in Saskatoon; I attended. I’d seen more of his movies than I had of his comedy so i arrived at the venue in a state of high anticipation. It was good.

The first thing I liked was that the show was scheduled to start at 8:00 pm, and was begun within five minutes of that mark. One of my fiercest pet peeves is being seated for an event on time and having to then wait an hour or more for the show to start.

Mr. Connolly started out slow, as is appropriate for an entertainer 63 years of age. Also he had the luxury of lots of time to work with; I’d went expecting perhaps 90 minutes of entertainment, and he provided two and a half hours, (that’s without a break). It wasn’t just myself noticing the laid back pace of his opening, my Bride noticed the same thing, and mentioned later that early on she’d wondered whether she could sit through the entire show!

Connolly is more of a ‘personality’ comedian, and it takes a few moments to get the audience comfortably familiar with that unique personality; once established, it was off to the races. Bill Cosby had a similar style; personality infused story telling where the narration could wander for formidable lengths of time unimpeded by regular punch lines. Once the hook was set the show started moving in a brisker manner, and I enjoyed it, with no damage more serious than a stretched slightly beyond maximum capacity bladder. My Bride was swept up as well.

There were a few things I found distracting. First amongst these was what Connolly calls his, “Fuck-fuck-fuckety-fuck”; I’m never offended by swearing, and admit that in shows by Canadian, and especially Saskatoon comics, the four letter flow can be astonishing. However, I don’t pay $60 to sit for 2.5 hours and be either offended or un-offended by words that can be detected in every work-site, office or schoolyard. It is, to me, a waste of breath, and never to be confused with talent; on the other hand it does sit comfortably with his persona.

Next on the list of, ‘why bother’, was what seemed to me a repetitive ‘stretching out’ of jokes, all the while accompanied by irritating reminders to the audience that they were indeed being led down the garden path. ‘Humour Helper’ is palatable to some, but I like steak, and, had the stretching and the ‘fucking’ been eliminated what would have been left would be a little short of a two hour show.

Last item on my ‘bitch’ list were the many times the comedian bent double in apparent laughter at his own stories; I don’t care for it ...unless it’s genuine. The only time, to my eyes, that it could be genuine would be in spontaneous exchanges with the audience, and I saw none of those. When you can put on a seamless 2.5 hour show the odds are that, in all likely-hood, you’ve heard your own material before. In most cases, heard it so often that you couldn’t possibly find anything funny in it. Canned laughter sucks even if it was canned by the artist himself.

All told, a very generous slice of entertainment. My Bride and I left feeling that we’d got more out of the show than the $60 we’d each invested, and both of us like Billy Connolly more after the show than prior to it.