"Abandon Hype All Ye Who Enter Here!"

Steppenwolf

"Eternity is a mere moment; just long enough for a joke!"

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Small Frog in a Vanishing Pond!

That’s the problem with being a small frog in a small pond, there are only so many venues to appear in, and only so many comedy fans; eventually you’ve seen ‘em all. Or worse, the pond dries up/vanishes! That was the case last year; I didn’t do any performances at all until I was laid off work for the year, and then ...there was no place putting on comedy shows for all of November. This year I took off two months because I was too busy, but then started doing one show a week just to start getting warmed up for what I thought would be a busy season.

Well, I’m warmed up, and now, instead of having three show per week, the pond has vanished! The Master, Tommy Savitt, Miles Morrison and York Underwood are leaving for a tour of NATO bases in Europe, so there will be no shows for a couple of weeks after the Halloween Monster Comic show tonight at Ally Katz. So, comedy for November in Saskatchewan may be a write off until December when it will boom again. The pond has vanished and this fool is left ‘circling the drain!’

I’m not entirely without possibilities; on November nineteen I’m heading to Ontario for three weeks. When I get to Toronto I have a list of about sixty places where I should be able to perform; nice, a different venue every day of the week. Better yet, brand new audiences every night, and, just as important, new comics. That’s the attraction of a major Urban Center, lot’s of opportunity; at the same time, a lot more talent chasing those opportunities.

It’ll be fun, with lot’s of time to see friends and family as well.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Centurion!

My daughter Allison, now in her first semester at University, received her very first paper back at the first of this week. I know how important it was to her, and how much time and effort she put into it; I know how she sweated for two weeks in anticipation of getting it, and her mark back. Her mark was 77%. It almost broke my heart! Not her mark, but her response to that mark! It was as if she’d let not just herself, but the entire world down! Over what? An almost ‘A’! I could see her remorse if it was an, ‘almost passed’.


I remember an initiation ritual when I was in university, it was called, “The Centurion”. A ‘Centurion’, in the Roman Legions, was, literally, “Commander of one hundred”. In University it meant gathering a bunch of first year boys together in a small room, and letting them drink beer out of a shot glass; one and a half ounces of beer, every minute, for one hundred minutes! (Yours’ facetiously never partook ...didn’t much fancy beer!) I suppose the theory was, that if you could command 100 shots of beer, you’d be, (to distort Rudyard Kipling), “a man my son!” I don’t know that it ever proved masculinity, but, I do know that by the time those being initiated hit the eighties or nineties, the dorm was permeated throughout, by the off-putting putridity of puke.


When I began my experiment of being a comic, I decided to give it a fair shake; I decided that I’d do it one hundred times before even considering giving the experiment a ‘thumbs up’ or ‘thumbs down’. A single, first paper does not make or break an academic career. A single, first shot of beer does not make a dipsomaniac, (nor even give a buzz!). Nor does a single first ‘set’, done well or poorly, a comic make!

Over the course of the past year I’ve seen many people screw up the courage to take a turn treading the comedy boards; very few returned for a second venture and almost none for a fourth or fifth. Ok, there were a couple that maybe didn’t, for one reason or another, merit that first attempt, but most showed talent and humour! What did they lack? For the most part they lacked confidence, experience and, most important, tenacity! I don’t know where a person finds tenacity, but I know that you don’t find confidence and experience in just one attempt ...at anything. The only thing worse, in my eyes, than not trying a second time, would to have never tried at all!

Be honest now; what have you ever done that you excelled at the first time you did it? For myself, I’d have to answer, “Nothing!” Not even something as central and elemental to our shared humanity as sex; my first time I was awful! (ed. note: Here I mean, “sex with another person,” I was always pretty good single handed!) My Bride might say I was no great hell the last time, but, even so, in my mind, much better than the first time ...good thing I kept at it!

Right now I’m just short of 50 comic performances, and, yes, at the end of many ‘sets’, I still detect a whiff of that ‘off-putting putridity’ I recall from my dormitory days, but I am better now than I was at the beginning. The idea of one hundred performances I cannot take credit for; I got the idea from John Cantu of the Holy Zoo. Cantu said, ‘It’s impossible to judge yourself after a single attempt; do one hundred sets. For the first twenty, don’t even worry about getting a laugh! From the twentieth to the fiftieth, try for a couple laughs each time out. Don’t worry about anything till you’ve done it one hundred times. You still won’t be a great comedian, but you will have enough experience to judge how you are doing, what you want to do next, and how to get there. After your first ‘set’, you don’t have the experience to qualify you to judge anything done by yourself, nor what your comic potential might or might not be!’

My daughter may one day be a PhD, and write a paper that wins her a Nobel Prize, and the significance of that 77% first paper will be nil; you just never know. But, one thing I do know; if she doesn’t sit down and write the second, the third and the fourth she’ll never get that PhD; she’s off to a good start.

Tomorrow night is a Halloween, “Jesters’ Ball”, at AllyKatz in Saskatoon; it will be, I think, my forty-seventh appearance. If I don’t go it will be the finish of me! So, “Hold my nose and off I goes!”

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Master Speaks!

Just stumbled accross an artical by the fellow I refer to as, "The Master", and in it he talks about the importance of Comedy Contests. I've said similar myself in these pages, but, of course, the Master says it best! Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Dez Reed!

In Defense of Comedy Competitions

by Dez Reed on Thursday, October 28, 2010 at 8:28pm
Comedy contests are very unpopular amongst comedians but they are on the rise and comedians keep signing up for them.
Why this paradox?
Because despite their disdain for comedy competitions, comedians desire to be the best and competitions offer bragging rights to the winner. Also, competitors can always chalk up not winning to any number of factors from judge's bias and audience stacking to flat out corruption. This blame game goes on all the time so that comedian's can save face.
Another draw for comedians is the lucrative payout that some of these competitions offer the finalists. Comedians can walk away with thousands of dollars for the more established competitions.
So the reasons for comedians to compete are compelling enough, victory means money and a nice resume addition and losing can be explained away, but why do promoters put on comedy competitions?
Well, very simply, they can make a lot of money. In the case of The San Francisco Comedy Competition, the promoter runs the competition for a month with seven shows a week with good comedians. He sells the shows and doesn't have to pay travel costs, accommodations, meals, or performer's fees.
In many cases, the purse is paid by sponsors, so the promoter literally makes every dollar that comes in from the venues.
So comedians are enticed, promoters are lining their pockets, so why do audiences come?
In many cases they are treated to better shows than they would see at a regular comedy night. The reason for this is simple, multiple comedians add variety and these comedians are usually doing their very best ten minute set. Also, audiences enjoy the drama and being involved somewhat in the final outcome.
So are comedy competitions a good thing?
Let's take the competition I just promoted, Dez Reed's Great Western Comedy Competition.
It ran for 8 weeks with the final being a huge sell out.
During the competition my room, Beilys, had such well established headliners as well as openers and rank amateurs performing. The amateurs brought new people to the room for support and the headliners drew comedy fans.
In the end there were ten competitors. Three of which expected to win, place or show, the others could hope and some could only dream of winning against the seasoned headliners. And after the final votes were counted, one of the headliners, Kelly Taylor was the winner with newcomer and local favourite Junior Koszmun the runner up.
The final result left two comedians very happy, a promoter happy, venue owners happy, sponsors happy, audiences happy and only a few comedians unhappy.
So at the end of the day, for almost everyone involved comedy competitions are a good thing.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Complete Casket Case!

For a change of pace from comedy, I attended Toastmasters last night. My duties were few; I’d been assigned to merely tell a joke at the very end of the meeting, just before the gavel comes down. Better yet, it doesn’t have to be original; I could tell anything I chose. Interesting, and it will soon be Halloween; as a matter of fact, that was the theme of the evening, Halloween Hijinks!

A small but mighty roster last night; we had but two speakers on the agenda. The first, a PhD candidate, gave us a scary overview of Canada’s ‘Tar Sands’ projects in Alberta. The second, this time an actual PhD, gave us a frightening overview of Saskatoon’s ridiculously high real estate prices.

For dramatic effect, I decided to feign a memory lapse, and, as the meeting drew to a close, I began gathering up my stuff, and, while remaining seated, put on my jacket. To all appearances, I was a member in a hurry to leave. As the Chairman began the introduction of the Joke Master, I slipped from my seat and headed for the door. Half way there my name was announced, and I turned abruptly with my best, ‘deer in the headlights’, facial expression! Setting my binder aside, I slowly made my way to the front of the room where I was welcomed by the Chairman with a warm handshake. All this to laughter, (some sympathetic), from an audience who presumed they had caught a speaker with his pants down!

“A joke about Halloween”, I began, “might not be appropriate, as humour is not the celebrations’ prime theme.” A scary story might be more in order, but ...it’s so overdone! So, instead, I’ll share with you an anecdote from my Hamlet of Kinley. The anecdote was shared with me by the person it happened to, a fellow I refer to as the, ‘Wa-Wa Wild Man’. It happened last Halloween, just after the ‘Wildman’ was leaving a séance, just around midnight. At least, I presume it was a séance, as I’m told that a wide variety of spirits were quickly raised, and, just as quickly dispensed with.


As the ‘Wildman’ was leaving the séance, he heard, coming from the town’s Pioneer Graveyard, a faint noise that sounded like, “Clatter, Thump, Clackety-Clack!” It was dark, and our protagonist could see nothing. Increasing his pace slightly, the ‘Wildman’ continued his way home, when he heard it again, louder, and drawing nearer, “Clatter, Thump, Clackety-Clack!” “Clatter, Thump, Clackety-Clack!”


As he turned to look behind him, the clouds cleared from the full moon; there, framed in the entrance of the graveyard, its’ profile highlighted by the moonlight, stood a casket! As he watched in horror, casket hopped towards him with a “Clatter, Thump, Clackety-Clack!” The sound began as the casket launched itself in it’s hop! When it left the ground, its’ doors flew open with a clatter, then, as it touched down, came a thump, and immediately the doors crashed closed, clackety-clack!


In terror our brave ‘Wildman’ turned and fled, but, behind him the, “Clatter, Thump, Clackety-Clack!” sped up in pursuit, and, it sounded like the casket was gaining! Desperately he rushed up the walk to an abandoned house, the “Clatter, Thump, Clackety-Clack!” right on his heels!


Through an entrance, where a door had once stood, he raced, into an empty room, with only one doorway on its’ far wall. Behind him came the “Clatter, Thump, Clackety-Clack!”, “Clatter, Thump, Clackety-Clack!”, as the casket hopped up the stairs, and entered behind him! He raced across the room, and flung open the one door, slamming it after he entered. The only thing in the room was a medicine cabinet! Opening it to the sound of “Clatter, Thump, Clackety-Clack!”, from the main room, he found an old, half bottle of, Buckleys’ Mixture!


With a mighty, “Clatter, Thump, Clackety-Clack!”, the door behind him crashed open! Grabbing the ‘Buckleys’, the ‘Wildman’ turned to see, framed in the doorway, the Casket, poised to pounce! With all his might he hurled the bottle, and saw it shatter inside the Casket, its’ foul liquid oozing down the Caskets’ velvet interior, and ...immediately ...The Coffin stopped!”


For those unfamiliar with Canadas’ most reviled nostrum, ‘Bucklys’ Mixture’ is a vile tasting cough suppressant ("Tastes terrible, but, it really works!"). Happy Halloween to all!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

In The Beily of the Beast!

"Yesterdays' Comic...
...tomorrows' Bear Crap!"

To say it was an interesting night at Beilys’, “Great Western Comedy Contest”, would be a tribute to the art of understatement, but I’m here to bring you the truth, ...even if I lie trying! My Bride and I arrived at about 8:30 and managed to grab the last available table; luckily it seated six as we had two couples joining us. Another couple I’d invited arrived ten minutes after us, and, try though they might, not a seat could be found; finally I got a couple at the table behind our own to share with them. Yes, it was a packed house!

The cast of characters, as sorted by the Master, was as thus:

The veteransTommy Savitt, Kelly Taylor, Jody Peters, Jim Fuchs and Paul Voissard, (all of whom can be considered ‘Pros’.

The sophomoresYork Underwood, Trent Paisley, Joel Jeffrey, and, James Mackay, (to call me a sophomore, is, in my eyes, punching way above my weight, but then, I didn’t arrange the classification.)

Rookie Draft PicksBlack Rob and Junior Koszmun, (Black Rob has made only three comedic performances, Junior Koszmun, although a DJ for years, has made only eight.)

We had two absentees, Jim Fuchs and Tommy Savitt, (both for reasons that might be obvious did you know them.)

So there were nine of us there to draw for speaking order; the Master said that Tommy Savitt would be showing up late, and, would we mind if, rather than drawing a slot, he was allowed to go on immediately upon his arrival, (this to make it fair, and not just award the last, and most coveted, speaking slot the person not there to make the draw.) We agreed, and it was done, or, so I thought!

So there we were, nine jesters, a full house, and at least four times the service staff that would be there on a normal night, (and they were kept hopping). For reasons unobvious to me, the show did not commence until after 10:00 pm. This to me is a crime; it’s a work night, and most of the audience, myself as well, has to be up early in the morning to get to their day jobs. However, it happens all too often, sometimes due to poor organization, but, I often suspect, in preference to the owners of the facility, who, once having the maximum number of ‘bums in seats’, want to keep those bums there as long as the waitresses are serving!

I heard some criticism of the Master; that, instead of being funny, he was talking up the sponsors, the fund raising draw and the facility instead of telling jokes! Silly people, he was the MC last night, and that is 75% of his job; the other 25% is to do a warm up set prior to the first comic so that they don’t have the disadvantage of stepping before a cold crowd. He did do an impeccable ten minute set that got the crowd rolling to open the show.

By luck of the draw our first and last comics were the least experienced. Black Rob went up first; I’d never seen him before, but, at seven feet tall and fresh out of High School, he did a great job. Junior Koszmun closed the show, and did it very well; I’d seen him perform twice prior to this, and, what can I say? That boy gets better every time I see him!

Again, by luck of the draw, most of our pros went early in the show. Jody Peters stepped on stage his physical presence and mighty voice dwarfing the room, in no time he had that audience smokin’. Kelly Taylor was next, and impressive he was, first lighting up the audience, then setting the place on fire. York Underwood, (whom you’ve heard me refer to as the Jester), was next, and he brought the house down! I hadn’t seen York perform in some months, but, I’ll tell you, he’s really stepped it up a gear! The Master ranked York as a sophomore, but, while I rairly quibble with the Masters’ pronouncements, York has been a professional for over a year, and has been doing tours as a Headline act.

Now, in most Comedy shows you might attend, the arrangement of comics begins with the least experienced, (some might say the least funny, but, both would be right), and proceeds to the most experienced! There is a reason for this: nobody wants to go on stage after someone who was a lot funnier than they are; the expectations of the audience has been raised to a point that your performance may be incapable of meeting! Last night the big comic cannons were fired early on, leaving us snub nosed, ‘Saturday Night Specials’, to take our best shot after the best of the comic carnage! But, it’s only fair when you draw for speaking order.

That said, the rest of us sophomores muddled through as best we could, well, with one exception. Trent Paisley and Joel Jeffery did a fine job. We all have days that are better than others; sometimes we have days that are worse! Last night I stumbled in my comic stride! It wasn’t devastatingly bad, but, I wasn’t happy with it.


I watched the first 6 comics, then, gave myself ten minutes to psyche up for my number eight slot. The Master announced that he’d mislaid his list, and would the number seven contestant please step forward; I ignored it! Little did I know, but somehow they’d given Tommy Savitt the number seven slot, despite the arrangement to have him perform upon arrival! You now had a crowd sitting silent while this was sorted out! A little shaken up, I took the stage, and, while I didn’t completely mess up, I dropped two jokes, and missed one good line, (both unintentionally!) Subsequently I finished at the eight minute mark, but, finish I did. Then, the moment that I’d really prefer you never heard about. I’d placed the mike back in the stand, and the Master stepped on stage to shake my hand, as I turned away, he grabbed the mike! As I stepped off stage, my left foot caught on the cord, and the mike was snatched from the Masters’ hand! I picked it up and handed it to him, then slunk back to my seat, and cowered there, nursing my wounds with a rapid series of double scotches! So, that’s it! I’ll never step on a comedy stage again! ...Until, of course ...the next time! And I’ll be back to tell you about it!

Who won the prize money? I’m not sure. The show was over at 12:00, but, it was going to take a while to co-ordinate the results, so we made our way back to the remarkably un-comic comfort of Kinley!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

I Am Comic!

Last night I finally watched the docu-comedy by Jordan Brady, “I Am Comic”. It’s the story of a former comedian, Ritch Shydner, loosely woven through a collage of interviews and film snips of a wide range of standup comics. Shydner had been a top performer, but quit performing to concentrate on writing jokes for other performers. It is interesting to watch him as he struggles through the wasteland of open mikes and one night stands to see if he can work his way back to his former plateau.

It has great spots by:

Sarah Silverman
Tim Allen
Jeff Foxworthy
Kathy Griffin
Jim Gaffigan
Chris Hardwick
Louis C.K.
Janeane Garofalo
Andy Kindler
Carrot Top
Nick Kroll
Larry Miller
Lewis Black
Margaret Cho

I’d been following its’ progress since before its’ release last winter, and was particularly interested in some of the controversy it stirred up. The controversy centered around a computer program developed by former stand up comedian, Steve Roye. He was interviewed about how his, ‘Comedy Evaluator Pro’, was an essential tool in the development of any comedian.’ Comedy Evaluator Pro’ simply breaks down your set, based on a recording or video, on a minute by minute basis, and informs you how many seconds of each minute you spent talking, and how many seconds of each minute were used up by the audience laughing.

This is essential as a Headliners’ routine must average, at a minimum, eighteen seconds of laughter per minute. And eighteen seconds is a minimum; a good comedian should have minutes in their act that attain thirty or more seconds of sustained laughter. The program itself allows you as a comedian, to evaluate each performance you deliver, and instantly see which areas of your set need to be, ‘punched up’, and which material might best be deleted and replaced with stronger stuff.

Some people thought that this was an, ‘artificial’ way of improving comedy. I just don’t get that; to me it was just a high tech way of doing what comedians have been doing since the beginning. However, instead of relying on memory, hours after the fact, you have the results before you on screen or paper, whenever you like. Cold, hard data rather than the output of a foggy memory, which, in many cases, will be biased.

It was a great show; highly entertaining and informative. Later this week, when I have time, I will watch it again. In the meantime, tomorrow night I am comic, (hear me roar!)

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Fools' Gold Rush!

Oct. 25th is almost upon us; so too the ‘Great Western Comedy Contest’ at Beilys’. Excited? I sure am! Prepared? Hardly! Be there? You bet! Goin’ for the gold? Ummm ...don’t think so; I’m just going for a good time!

There will be 10 contestants on Monday evening; some will be desperate to stick a feather in their comic cap, but, the smarter ones not so much so. Yes, there will be raw talent a plenty, but the smart money is placed on completed comic confections, and, in all honesty, I don’t fit at either end of the Spoofers’ Spectrum; I am, at best, but a half baked buffoon!


Then why throw my cap into the ring? Well, because it is great fun; but, the point of a Comedy contest, when looked at with a dispassionate eye, is to neither have fun, nor to pick a winner, it’s something altogether more elemental. A comedy show stands on three points, and, while I don’t want to denigrate my team, comedians don’t form the most important point.

You must have a venue, a place where comics and an appreciative audience can be brought together; you won’t find comedy in a closet, nor audiences for that matter, with the one possible exception of Frat House, ‘Peep Shows’! We have, at Beilys’, a great venue with an excellent stage, lighting and sound system, and, just as important, exceptional bartenders and servers. So, the comics and the venue are in place, the last element is still lacking.

That, of course, is an enthusiastic audience! We do have good, regular audiences at Beilys’, but they run from 60 to 100 people in a room that will hold upwards of 250. Don’t get me wrong, we appreciate them, but, for laughter to be at its’ most infectious, two last criteria must be established. The audience must feel that they are part of a communal experience, and, for that to happen best, they must be squeezed into fairly close proximity; a room with people sitting separately at random tables, remains, no matter what you do, a roomful of individuals!

At the same time, you have to maintain an environment where people, while aware they are part of a large group, can retain a sense of their individuality as well as their individual privacy. For that to happen, you need to mute the lighting, and eliminate as many distractions as possible. Finally, the groups attention is directed to the, ‘Centre of Attention’, the stage; again this is achieved with three essential elements, great lighting, a good sound system, and finally, a good comedian – the inadequacy of any one of these three last, will botch any show.

Put it all together and I admit, it does sound a little, ‘control freakish’, and it would be just that, ...if it were being foisted upon a disinterested group! But, in a Comedy Show, this is not the case; people have paid good money to experience the room filling roar of hearty laughter ...it’s our responsibility not to let them down!


When all three, ‘points’ come together you have a Comedy Show! The owners of the venue are happy because they will make a profit. The audience is happy because they are entertained. And the comics, well ...comics are a bitchy bunch, and never happy, but it does give us an opportunity to have our comedic endeavours appreciated to their full potential ...and that, is music to our ears!

There are a couple other reasons to have a contest; first, it gets people interested, and gives them an opportunity to stand on a comedy stage. That allows you to find more talent, and you can never have too much talent. Second, the money engendered by the show allow prizes that will draw talent from farther afield than you might normally get; again, you can never have too much talent.

So, yes, I’ll be there with bells on; and also, for the first time ever, some of Julies’ and my friends will be attending! This ups the ante just a little, as its one thing to disappoint a group of strangers, but, friends ...well, you have to see and talk with these people long after the lights go down!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Spizzerinctum!


“Spizzerinctum”: ‘Drive; as in energy coupled with a will to succeed.’

My drive into ToonTown last night almost came to naught due to a lack of energy, and a willingness, no, an eagerness to secede; to secede from comedy, to secede from the contest, to align myself with my blankets and pillows and hibernate! Just as well that I don’t take my own self too seriously; I continued on to Beily’s, and the last night of the contest preliminaries.

No familiar faces when I arrived, so, I ordered a glass of water and sat back to watch the evening unfold. There were a fairly good number of audience members present, but they are quickly engulfed by, and disappeared into, Beily’s cavernous maw! After about fifteen minutes the Master appeared, accompanied by a chap I have referred to before as the, ‘Black Knight’, Jody Peters. Jody is a local comic made good. He originally hails from the town of Aberdeen, just East of Saskatoon, where he now resides. He specializes in putting on his own corporate comedy productions, and, as a sideline, is often the voice of animated characters in film productions.

Jody came over and sat with me, and we chatted while the Master hustled about in his frenetic preparations. Jody was adopted and raised by Mennonite farmers, and, subsequently, is the only Africanadian Mennonite I know. A lot of his humour is derived from being raised in a redneck Saskatchewan community, (we have lots of them!). While it’s not his usual shtick, he’d been talked into entering the last night of the contest preliminaries.

There were a few other comics present by this time, most notably Joel Jefferies, as well as a couple others whom I’m not as familiar with. The Master got us all together and gave us the ‘lowdown’ on next weeks’ contest, but, I won’t bother you with such trivia here. Then the show commenced with the Master opening; first up was Jody Peters. I’ve seen Jody perform many times in the past, and always find his act dynamic, warm and entertaining; tonight was no exception! He ended with a bit I’d never seen him do before, called, “Black Superman.”

“What would a black superman be like?
He wouldn’t waste time rescuing white people from bus accidents!
No! He’d head to the toughest redneck bar in the American South,
Waltze through the front door while announcing he was looking for white women!
When the gun smoke cleared, Jody continued, Superman would be unscathed,
Bullet proof! Then he’d challenge the white boys to come outside and see who could fly!
But, once in a while, just for fun, Jody went on, he’d allow himself to be lynched!
Here Jody pantomimed swinging from a tree by his invulnerable neck.”

He presented good comedy; his jokes were funny, and, as you can see, some of his comedic commentary makes you wince and smart just a trifle!

Next up was Joel Jeffery, and he presented a good, solid set of his best material, but, for reasons unknown, didn’t seem able to establish a solid connection with the audience last night. Then the Master was up again, and began a comic diatribe about Canada being a country where you can get arrested for blowing bubbles! (Ed. Note: This in connection with an actual event this summer just past, when Canada hosted the G8 summit.) Finally, he introduced yours' facetiously, (while at the same time making just a little fun of me!)

When I was handed the mike, I watched with eyebrows raised as the Master walked away, and intoned,

“Arrested, ...for blowing bubbles?!?”
Sounds like a nightmare of Ricky,
On the, ‘Trailer Park Boys!”

The audience loved it, but I don’t know how well it would go over with people not familiar with Canadian television/movies. Ricky and Bubbles are two characters on our show, “Trailer Park Boys”; if you’ve never seen it, you should, as it gives great insights into the evolving Canadian psyche!

Wow! Best night I’ve ever had at Beily’s! The audience, who had seemed a little cool up till then, perked up and responded to my jokes as though we’d all rehearsed together! Too soon, it was over, and I departed for my one hour trip home to Kinley, and a four hour nap, immediately followed by another one hour drive to work! And it was worth every minute!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sprezzatura!

Sprezzatura: “Effortlessness”, as in the appearance of; “Practice in all things a certain sprezzatura ...so as to conceal art, and make whatever is done or said appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it.”


I was sitting listening to the Master talk about comedy a couple weeks ago when he told me, “I like the fact that you rehearse, ...a lot of comics don’t, and it shows, but, perhaps you over rehearse. The audience can sense this, and thinks that your act lacks spontaneity.” I kinda’ like the irony in that statement, an “act that lacks spontaneity”, but, I always appreciate the Masters’ insights, and try to put them to good use. I suppose that, ‘lacking spontaneity’, is preferable to lacking anything to say on stage, or, at least, lacking anything funny to say, but, I see what he means.

When I first began this quest for 100 appearances on a stand up stage, I was terrified of being in the spotlight with nothing to say; ...that does not rank very high on the scale of pleasant experiences! So, I made sure that I had my set memorized to the word; not just, ‘to the word’, but to how I wished to express each word, and I would do my act that way no matter what the make-up of the audience was. But then, in entertainment, the word ‘act’ presupposes a lot of rehearsal.

Now I’m trying to loosen up a bit, and add a little spontaneity to my act. The other night I went on after another fellow talked about the difficulties he had dealing with his girlfriend on what he called her, ‘happy time’. He was talking about when she was on her period, and, while I knew exactly what he meant, I thought his choice of term a misnomer! As soon as I was introduced I addressed that issue:

“We don’t call it, ‘Happy Time’,
At my place.
‘Cause Momma ain’t happy!
When I met my Bride,
She couldn’t say, “Pecker”,
If her mouth was full of it!
So I got her elocution lessons!
She still can’t say it!
But, she can hum a few bars!
So I call it, “Hummer Week!”
That doesn’t do anything for her moods,
...But I’m Happy!”

Spontaneous? Well, ...it appeared that way, and the audience responded well to it. But spontaneity demands more than making, or at least, ‘appearing to make’ lines up on the spot. Every audience is different; for example, you might not want to address an audience of 20 with the same level of enthusiasm and energy that would work well with an audience of 300. The same goes for an audience of paying comedy enthusiasts in a Comedy club, as compared to a small crowd in a local bar. The former are there to see a show, the latter are perhaps there for a variety of reasons, of which comedy may or may not be one.

This last week I had the opportunity to share a Comedy stage with Tommy Savitt, a Pro from Brooklyn, NY, now residing in Los Angeles; I’d shared a stage with him before, but, had not been able to watch his act. Tommy is fairly soft spoken for a comic, and talks with the right corner of his mouth curled down. He’s not very animated on stage; he doesn’t need to be, his words do the talking for him, so to speak. It was, a demonstration in, “Sprezztura”.

His delivery brought me in mind of a pro Boxer working a speed bag; each, ‘punch’ line launched and delivered perfectly, apparently without much effort on his part, but, ...they had impact. Not just that, but he set up a rhythm that was mesmerizing, his jokes unencumbered by excessive verbiage! The rhythm, established immediately, brought a positive audience response with clockwork precision; ...laughter every 15 seconds, or, about every twenty words. He maintained that same rhythm for forty minutes!

I watched him again later in the week; the exact same rhythm, and the exact same words, before a similar audience. I’d love to see him perform in front of a huge crowd, where, if anything, his material would do even better. Tommy Savitt has the luxury of always performing to comedy club audiences, and it’s a luxury he deserves, ...he’s certainly worked for it!

At the same time, I’d like to see how he’d modify it to capture a rowdy bar audience. I don’t think it would work as well before a diverse audience, attending for a variety of reasons, and all at different levels of intoxication, with, perhaps, a hockey game playing loudly on the wall above the bar. I’m sure he’d handle it professionally, but, I’m just as sure he’d have to modify his delivery.

As it stands, I’m to appear at Ally Katz tonight, and I’ll be doing old material, but I’ll attempt to do it in a toned down, conversational manner! Sprezzatura? Not likely, but I’m working on it! Wish me luck!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Full Mummer!

While anyone can tell you what Humorists, Comics and Comedians have in common, (and the answer of course is “jokes”), I personally find it difficult to say what the differences between each category may be; despite that, let’s pry back their Prankster Personas, and, for a moment, take a look at the full Mummer!

A Humorist, by my definition, has always a message behind his jokes, and his set must be thematic with a consistent point of view. I don’t know too many Humorists, (and, how could you know too many?), but, the finest example that comes to my mind is Samuel Clemens, better known as, ‘Mark Twain’. I believe it was Mr. Clemens who fostered my love of laughter, and I know it was his humour which first reduced me to tears. A funny guy indeed! His material was almost always thematic, a delivery of information and attitude etched in wicked wit. This ‘Thematic’ delivery, of necessity, reduces the proportion of laughs to material; at the same time, because it deals with serious matters, or themes, when well done, the laughs, when they do come, will be huge. John Cantu, of the, ‘Holy Zoo’, a little comedy club that produced Robin Williams, was first a comedian, and then proceeded to become a Humorist. He said, “A Humorist who gets five seconds of laughter for each minute on stage is a comic genius.”

Comics and Comedians have a slightly different challenge; for either to be a genuine success, they must generate a minimum of eighteen solid seconds of laughter for each minute of stage time. Because of this time factor a comic or comedian must toss off any pretence of their material being thematic, or carrying a message; it must be a constant barrage of shock and awe!

While every comic, to a degree, must be a comedian, it is true also that every comedian must have in his repertoire a little of the comic. There was a time I didn’t think that there was a difference between the two, but Mel Brooks changed my mind on that count; he said, “A Comic says funny things; a Comedian says things funny.”

This summer I was at one show in the city, and the comedians I was with were not doing very well; there was little in the way of laughter coming from the audience. Why? I don’t know! Many of us were doing new, untried material, but, one fellow I know went up and did ten minutes of his best material, material I’d seen many audiences howl at over the last year, and he fared little better than the rest of us. Then, a friend of mine got on stage; be began by harassing the audience ...and continued the same throughout his set. It worked! He got more laughter than the rest of us combined! As he swept off stage, and waltzed past our table he smirked, “That’s the way it’s done boys; piss ‘em off, then make fun of them!”

While I’m not fond of that approach, I will concede that sometimes it is essential, and I hope that I’m not often required to perform in a venue where it’s necessary. A friend of mine attended a show put on by two other friends of mine in a nearby community; he is quite familiar with the material of both of them. “It was a great show”, he said, “but both those guy have material that’s comic gold, and none of it worked! But they could stand on stage and tell the audience that they were morons, and they’d laugh like crazy!” He went on to tell me that the audience was only about twenty people due to so many of the locals being in the midst of harvest. Those that were there were already pretty sloshed when the show began, and quickly proceeded to become more so! When they have that much alcohol in them it is difficult to have your ‘wit’ appreciated, and it is then time to let peoples’ natural susceptibility to feelings of superiority take over. It’s one of our baser instincts, and evidences itself most plainly in school kids and drunks, (if you’re ever caught up in a crowd of drunken school kids ...watch out!) Don Rickles was a master of this technique, and, while I was never a fan, I’ll admit that he elevated it to an art form. To me that is a comic; there’s not much ‘comedic’ about it.

At the other end of the comedy spectrum is the comic who, “says things funny!”, and here I’m going to use as examples, Groucho Marx, Steven Wright and Jimmy Carr. These are, all three, masters of writing and editing, and, just as important, polished perfection in their respective deliveries. I love all three, and, to myself, they represent as close as human kind have ever come to pure comedy. Their acts will fill huge comedy theatres with wave upon wave of roaring laughter. At the same time, I’ve been in bars in Northern Saskatchewan where their material just wouldn’t work as well; and it’s in just such venues where a certain aptitude for the other end of the comic spectrum comes in real handy, but ...more on that another time!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Toastmasters, Overdone!

Wednesday evening arrived and so did I, at the Toastmasters Humorous and Impromptu contests. The venue was packed, and quickly overheated. They had combined two Area contests, so, rather than two contests, there were actually four! OK; I was confused too. It did, however, make for an interesting roster of contestants. There were seven contestants in the Humorous category, and I believe eight in the impromptu portion of the evening. With the luck that is typically mine I managed to draw the first speaking slot in each category!


My title for my humorous speech was, “Late Bloomers”, and in the speech I talked about the education system, my own experiences in University, and both my difficulties and eventual success in getting my daughter to University.

My Alma Mater began as an Agricultural College,
And later added a veterinarian college,
Before attaining its’ accreditation.
I called it old ‘FU’, or,
Farmer University;
Others weren’t as kind.
They called it, ‘U of Moo’,
Or, worse ‘U of Goo’,
And, occasionally,
‘U of Moo Goo’.
I graduated, and attained my BS,
That may sound harsh, but,
As any competent farmer knows,
It’s the hay that’s been through the bull,
That puts the bloom,
On the rose!
I left old FU behind,
Older and more manure!

I’d like to tell you that it was a tremendous success, and I won the applause and admiration of all in the room, but ...such was not the case! There I was, in front of a packed room, and I couldn’t seem to be able to scrape together a chuckle, chortle, or guffaw! If memory serves, I did manage to elicit two broad groans, but I can’t really say that this was an expression of appreciation; it might well have been the audience’s note of exasperation at the burden that was being foisted upon them! I found it a little disquieting; even the host of Angels I’d faced on Sunday evening had expressed polite applause!

I concluded my speech as follows:

Nothing gave me greater pleasure than her phone call,
At the end of her first week.
Her joy resonated through the phone line,
“Dad,” she said, “This is where I belong!”
Yes, she is blooming in University,
At a time when the majority of graduates are female.
When I went, university was the preserve of the Alpha Male!
And the majority of graduates were men.
But I was no Alpha Male!
I was just a farm boy,
You might say, a hayseed!
Which makes me, at best,
“Alfalpha Male!”

On the up side, while seven and a half minutes can seem an eternity, it does eventually wheeze its’ way to an expiration, and my time was no exception to that rule. Actually, the seven minute and thirty second mark loomed suddenly, and just a little sooner than I’d anticipated; while I haven’t had confirmation of the possibility, I just may have exceeded the maximum time, and been disqualified. That really wouldn’t bother me, but, the fact that I didn’t seem to get any laughter ...does! This was a sober crowd, and I’ve been mainly been performing in bars; perhaps my humour only sinks in when filtered through several layers of beer!

The two ladies who placed first and second were very good. The first talked about, (as so many do), about the hilarity she found in giving birth. Second place talked about the quirky little thing we remember about occasions and events experienced long in the past.

At the intermission it was getting quite late, so I informed the Chief Judge that I would participate in the Impromptu contest, but would be leaving immediately after completing my role. Impromptu speaking is dreaded by many, and for good reason; you are called to the front of the room where, in front of the audience, the Contest Chair introduces you and announces the topic you are to address! Then they walk off stage, leaving you to perform. The topic I was given was, “Which do you consider superior, living in a rural or an urban setting?

To me the question was perfect! I was raised on a farm, and currently live in a hamlet of 42 people, so, I quickly summed up the pros and cons of both lifestyles, and then admitted that, while my wife and I both loved the cultural and entertainment possibilities of a city like Saskatoon, we preferred to live out where the deer and antelope play, where bears walk through our back yard, and every evening we drift off to sleep serenaded by coyotes. If we wish to experience the riches of the city, ...it’s just an hour away! I concluded thus:

My grandparents grew up in the country,
My parents grew up in the country, and,
While perhaps I never truly grew up,
I am ... “Alfalpha Male”

I found out later that I took second place in the contest, which is just fine by me. However, I’m still perplexed; in my Impromptu offering, the audience laughed! And the best laugh was at the, “Alfalpha Male”, line, which didn’t get a chuckle in my humorous speech. People! Go Figure!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

All Fuched Up! (and no place to go!)

I’m a little weary today; got home at 12:30 am, and the alarm went off for work at 4:30. Beilly’s was not bad last night, although not too many familiar comic faces; a fairly good crowd for a Holiday Monday. Found the Master explaining to one somewhat intoxicated comic that he could not perform that evening; it seems the individual in question had been at Ally Katz two weeks previous, and went on stage so drunk that he could not articulate simple words, and that, folks, makes for a really challenging Stand-up act. He was banned from Ally Katz until such time as he has demonstrated his good behaviour; last night was not considered a positive element in that demonstration!


One fellow there I’d not seen before, and he did a so-so set which seemed to evolve around, “Poop and Period”, jokes. Not my tastes to be sure, but, the audience seemed to like it. I stayed till 11:00 pm, and watched the first half of Tommy Savitt’s set; once again he was professional and polished, not to mention hilarious. To no one’s surprise, and to this fool’s dismay, Mr Savitt has advanced to the comedy finals on Oct. 25th. It’s starting to look like an interesting contest.

There were as many people at Beilly’s last night as there had been at Ally Katz on Sunday, but the room at Beilly’s is cavernous in comparison to the other, and crowds disappear into the darkness. They had green spot lights set up for some reason, and every comedian that climbed on stage immediately took on a sickly, Martian pallor.

A good night, with more of the usual hi-jinks, but I can’t tell of it all now as I’m tired and must get myself rested and prepared for my ‘Humour’ contest tomorrow evening. I’ll let you know how that goes; at least at Toastmasters there should be no drunks on stage, and I’d be willing to bet there are no Angels in the crowd either. P.S. Last night makes appearance number 45.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Ally Katz & Angels!

Last night I caterwauled at ‘Ally Katz’ nightclub on main street Saskatoon, and, while perhaps not a howling success, I managed not to get knocked off the fence by a flying boot. I’d never been before, but ‘Alley Katz’ is the Master’s new Sunday night venue, and this was his fifth show there. It was a nice, informal setting, with an audience of perhaps 80; a little older crowd perhaps, than I’m used to, but fairly enthusiastic and appreciative.


There was an assembly of angels in attendance, and, though I didn’t spot a single halo, there were plenty of beards, beer bellies and tattoos. Motorpsycho enthusiasts are comedy fans too, and there’s nothing so endearing to a comic’s ear as a hearty beer belly laugh!


The Master was in fine form last night and informed me that he suspects he and his wife are possibly pregnant again; if this is the case it will bring them to just one short of an official dozen! With those domestic numbers I can see why the Master needs to get out nights; however, just for myself, I think my sense of humour would have dried up by six! You have to admire the man; he home schools them all.

The evening was billed as an entirely ‘pro’ night, and I was both surprised and flattered to be given an opening slot. One of my favourites, the irrepressible Jody Peters, took the second slot on the bill, and reminded the audience that realistically, any citizen of Saskatoon is only one generation removed from the farm. He went on to tell us about his two weeks in Italy, and how tourism is complicated when you travel solo, and have no grasp of the native language.

Tommy Savitt was the headliner. This fella’ won the 2007 Boston Comedy Competition, the 2008 Seattle Comedy Competition and a 2009 LA Comedy Award for Best in Comedy. I’d seen Tommy perform last Spring, but, he is soft spoken for a comedian, and I’d been surrounded by chatty people in a room separate from the stage and subsequently didn’t hear much of his material, though I could see the audience in the main room lapping it up.

Last night I had a much better location, and thoroughly enjoyed his 40 minute set. Many of our local comedians, (and here I include myself), tend to be a little too wordy; Mr. Savitt was wordy too, but the difference was that, regular as clockwork, every fifteen or so words brought a huge laugh response from the audience. A great show and I was left wanting more. Tonight at Beilly’s I’ll get more!

Tonight the, ‘Great Western Comedy Contest’, continues at Beilly’s, and Tommy Savitt is competing! Between you and I, it looks like he might be a contender!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Put in My Place!

Haven't had much time for comedy, but did get in a little stage time at the Toastmasters Humour contest. I talked about education in general, my experiences with it, and, in particular, how my daughter Allison managed to go from a grade nine drop out to her first year in university. It was fun; I went with a tight opening, a loose ending, and a compendium of way too many jokes to place between the two.

A Latvian MBA talked about how the dream of most citizens of former Soviet States is to take a vacation in America, and his own experiences doing the same. A robustly elderly woman of Danish descent did a nicely ironic piece on, “Why?” One lady did a bit on her cats’ toilet training, or lack of same, and my pal, Terry McBride talked about how to manage a frugal vacation in Norway.

I was also ‘persuaded’ to go into the impromptu portion of the evening’s contest, and was given, as my verbal assignment, the question, “Where do you find inspiration?’ It was fun, and funner still to listen to how the other contestants responded to their own questions.

When all was said and done, I managed to squeak into forth last place in the Impromptu Contest, and a steady, second last in the Humour Contest. To my mind the funniest person there was the Danish lady with her ponderings on, “Why?” All told, a fun night.