Year in Rearview!

Vangeli’s has taken a sabbatical for a few weeks; I’m not sure why. Possibly to give people a rest and, this is the busy time of year for comics. January and February keep the comedy clubs busy when weather drops to -40.


I’m happy with what I did; eleven appearances in ten months, totalling perhaps one hour and twenty minutes on stage, with an audience. I did do ten minutes, twice, at the ‘Overdrive’ nightclub, but, I don’t count those, as they were not promoted, and subsequently there was no one in the audience. It would be nice to have ten minutes ‘stage time’ every couple of days; that way you have lots of opportunity to gauge the reaction to your material, tweak it a bit, then try it again.

I was astounded, and flattered, to be invited along with the pros; it was something I’d never anticipated. I felt totally unprepared, and certainly unready, but could not bring myself to say no. I didn’t get much feedback, except what I garnered from the audience each time. After the ‘Bullet’, the ‘Master’ did say, “You’re funny; you’re just not as crazy as me.... yet!”

Still, they tell me that they will have lots of opportunities for me; and it is good to have time to prepare. Right now I have about 30 minutes of stuff I’ve tried, and another 20 minutes that I haven’t performed yet. A little time is a good thing; I’ll spend it working on my ‘Deadpan’ delivery, with just enough ‘Bedpan’ to keep the audience’s attention. Deadpan seems a little scarce out here in Saskatchewan, which is odd seeing that one of the best practitioners of the art, ever, came from just down the road in Regina.

Do I see my future in Stand-up? I don’t think so. There’s too much competition; a lot of it very talented. When you have an hour of saleable material, you begin at $600 dollars per week, for one hour on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. That means a lot of travel; fun for a while, perhaps, with expenses paid, but eventually becoming a rut. The ‘Master’ is negotiating with Mark Breslin of ‘Yuk-Yuk’s, concerning opening a venue here in Saskatoon. That would be good, as it would bring top comedians into town every week; more important, it would give access to everyone in his line up, to clubs from one side of Canada to the other. The top comedian for ‘Yuk Yuk’s’ makes $2000 dollars per week, for that same three day agenda.

In the meantime, its’ fun; often pure adrenaline! This summer will bring a lot of opportunities, and, if I work at it now, I’ll have the material then to do the time without interfering with that, ‘making a living’ thing.

Zombie Comedy!

After the, “Bullet”, it was great to return to Vangeli’s for their ‘Comedy Christmas Bash’. Because of my abandoning my desk to do the extra show, I spent Wednesday preparing for my ten minutes. Because of some of the material I was going to do, I decided to wear my kilt, all dressed up with a sprig of Mistletoe and two red balls attached to my sporran. My bride was accompanying me on this adventure. She had the next day off, so we could stay late.

It is a young crowd at Vangeli’s, mostly either in University, or with a university education. We got there at 8:30 pm and it was mostly empty. By 9:30 it was filling nicely. I went out for some fresh air, and was joined by two young ladies and one of their gentleman admirers. One of the ladies asked, “What do you wear under those ‘skirt’ things?” I replied, “I can’t really speak for the rest of us, but ...the best of us ...prefer just a touch of lip gloss! The young fellow started laughing; the two girls didn’t! She went on; “Does lip gloss protect you from STD’s?” “No,” I replied, “I believe it contributes to the cause!” I opened my coat and showed them my Mistletoe. The young fellow doubled over, (Laughing!). Both ladies laughed, the one, nudging her girlfriend, said, “Well, ...you go for it Marcie!” I escaped back into the bar.

The show started with Santa giving gifts to all the comedians. I got a book titled, “The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection From the Living Dead”. Sarcastic Bastards! They’re either referring to my age, or my stage presence! Most likely both! It might also have to do with last time the, 'Court Jester', introduced me at Vangeli's. He warmed up the audience by telling them how, the night before, he'd attained his ultimate fantasy of sleeping with a woman twice his age. It went over well! Then, I was on:

Name's James

I have the same fantasy.

When I was 25, I dated a woman of 50.

It was great!

I'd do it again!

But ...the only place I'd find a woman twice my age,

...that was willing...

Is in a grave!

...Still ...I'd be diggin' it!

But, it was an evening for roasting the comics.

Then I got to do my ten minutes. I was the only amateur for the evening, and was followed by a comic from Vancouver, one from Toronto, then the Saskatoon boys. It was great fun, but, I was tired from the evening before. The ‘Court Jester’ later apologised for putting me on before two pro’s who were doing their’, ‘A List’ material. I told him that was OK; I was doing my, ‘A List’ material too. I’d decided to do a spiel on relationship gift giving; I know, it’s been done, but I took a different angle.

I began:

Name’s James.

Most of you didn’t know, but I’m married.

Twenty eight years. Same woman.

I understand ...I’m not clapping either.

It’s kinda’ sad really.

Classic case of, “A poor relationship choice!”

But, there’s nothing like marriage.

To sober up love.

Sign it into rehab.

And toss buckets of water

When it gets the DT’s!

But ...she made that choice!

And I’m holding her to it!

Afterwards the roast began, with the highlights of the year past at Vangeli’s, (some of the lowlights too!) But, all told, it was a fun evening. The best part, for both myself and the audience, was seeing the charming and immensely talented, ‘Jim Fuchs’, take the stage as the evening’s Headliner. It was the first time I’d ever seen Jim perform sober; he was excellent! We left about 12:30 ...way past bedtime for this Zombie!

Bitten by, "The Bullet"

On the 22nd, at 3:15 pm, I got a call. Would I be able to be in Saskatoon at 5:30 to catch a ride to the town of Leroy, 120 miles east of Saskatoon, to be a ‘Special Guest’ in a bar called, “The Bullet”? I’d been sitting at my desk organizing a pile of loose notes for the next night at Vangeli’s; I pushed them aside and said, “I’ll be there!”


In Saskatoon I joined the, “Maniacal Master of Madness and Mayhem”, the, “Crown Prince of Potent Punch lines”, and the, “Criminally Comedic Court Jester”. We were off, but the year’s first real snowstorm put us an hour late in arriving at the Bullet. I’d not looked at my material since it’s’ debut in Aberdeen, but felt I could wing it. It was a compilation of, ‘Hillbilly & Hamlet” humour, and had worked well enough in Aberdeen that I thought it should fly in any of the rural areas.

We arrived at the Bullet at 8:15. As we entered the bar I began to have my first misgivings. It was a damned rough looking crowd! Dirty calendars, (The Bullet’s Christmas Give Away), were lying on all the tables, with separate issues for each gender! A Porn flick was playing on the Karaoke screen at the back of the stage. Immediately centre left of the stage was a table of 12 young men, 18 to 22 years old perhaps. The remainder were the regulars; about 50 of them. They did not present a pretty picture.


The Master was greeted by the owner, and, in turn, introduced me. The owner said to the Master; “I hope you brought good comics. I felt sorry for that one guy last year; didn’t get a laugh at all. He was from Ontario. People here hate Ontario, and just don’t get the humour!” Ouch! I’d bitten the bullet on this gig ...and it looked like the “Bullet” was going to bite me!

The ‘Court Jester’ warmed up the audience and introduced me. I got through my act. The 12 kids at the front were great. The rest of the bar just sat and stared, with the occasional, quickly stifled, laugh. To give an example of the atmosphere, I talk about the Ontario hamlet I grew up outside. I explain that, in anticipation of the weekend, the residents begin drinking on Wednesday, ...and try to sober up by Tuesday. “You have to,” I insisted, “sober up ...or one week just blends into the next!”

I’d just got out the, “You have to sober up”, when an old crone, resembling, on her barstool, nothing more than the type of fungal growth you find on a rotten stump, ...except ...a fungus could not have produced that single tooth, spoke up! With her gnarled mitt clutching a tumbler of whiskey in a death grip, she looked at me dead pan, and, with a voice that filled the bar, said, “No! You don’t!” I suspected that her weeks may have been in the ‘blender’ for the last 30 years; but, I couldn’t bring myself to say it! Instead, I carried on, but never did gather any momentum.

After my ten minutes, the Crown Prince plunked a chair center stage, sat down and did his time. He got some laughs, but it wasn’t great. Then, ‘The Master’, was introduced; right away he laced into the table of 12 young men unmercifully, until the rest of the bar was laughing! Then, he turned the tables, and asked, “Why are you laughing at these nice young men?” He stepped onto a chair and his eyes swept the room as he roared, “You ignorant, red-necked C--- ------s!,” smiled, sipped his drink, chuckled, and said, “Just kidding!” From that point, the show was on! The ‘Master’ drove that audience between laughter and outrage, over and over again! I’ve never seen anything like it! To be fair, he was, if anything, harder on himself than he was on the audience. When the show was over we had to wait an hour while the ‘Master’ went table to table, laughing and chatting with the crowd.

I asked the ‘Court Jester’, “What happened out there?” He told me, “You have to understand, this is not a Comedy Club. This is a bar. Those twelve kids are just like the crowd in Aberdeen the other night. They paid money to see a Comedy Show. They came to laugh! But here, the rest are the regular patrons. They come here several nights a week. We are intruding on their world. This is the bars’, ‘Customer Appreciation’ night. They didn’t purchase tickets. They came for a great free meal, and either free or discounted drinks. They did not come here to be entertained, or to laugh!”

He went on, “I’ve been doing this for almost a year now. The first few times scared the hell out of me! You can feel the hate, in the eyes of the men especially, as soon as you come in from the street. They know that you are going to make fun of them, and their women. This wasn’t too bad. I’ve been in lots’ of places where they were drunker, they heckled, and I thought a brawl was going to break out. All that you can do is try to get them to like you, and get them to respond like an audience. The great thing about it is, if you can handle these kinds of shows, when you get on the stage of a regular Comedy Club, it will be so easy!

As we were packing up, I asked, ‘Crown Prince’, about his sitting in an armchair on stage to do his act. “When I started out,” he said, “three years ago, places like this would make me so nervous that the audience could see both my knees shaking. So I’d sit in a chair to control nervousness. Some nights I do it still!”

All told, it was a fascinating evening, and one I’m afraid that I will have to repeat over and over. As I left, ‘The Bullet’, I thanked the owner for having us, and I picked up one of his luridly graphic nude male calendars. “It’s for my wife,” I explained. Somehow, I have a feeling that he didn’t believe me!

The 'F' Word

"They say I use too many 'F' words.

'F' words! That's plural!

I thought there was just the one.

So I dropped the 'Fors' and the 'Froms',

And doubled up on the 'Fucks'!"

Dez Reed

The Black Angus!

The show for Dec. 20th, went ahead. It was at the, “Black Angus”, bar in the town of Aberdeen, about 70 miles East of Kinley. We arrived on time to find about 50 people in attendance; each of whom had paid $12.00 to attend a comedy show. I had ten minutes of untried, ‘fresh off the presses’, material to present. The material I chose to try was mainly Farmer, Hillbilly, Hick jokes. Rather than point a finger at the audience, I talked minly about growing up on a farm outside the Hamlet of Smithdale, ON. Unknown to me there was a party of people from the town of 'Asquith', just ten miles East of Kinley, at the bar. It was nice to hear the cheers when they heard where I was from.


The show went over well, both audience and owner happy with our efforts. I was quite happy with the reception of my material. The owner of the 'Black Angus' talked to us about the possibility of returning for a show on a monthly basis. An old Scotish Doll, with a thick brogue, and a blind husband came up to me afterwards to tell me how they enjoyed my act, and enquire whether I was indeed from an all Scotts background. I returned to Kinley to prepare another 10 minutes of material for Vangeli’s, “Christmas Comedy Bash”, on the 23rd.

Round 2

I did two stand-up sessions at Vangeli’s early in December; each time with ten minutes of brand new, untried material. Both times went fairly well. You can imagine my surprise when I was asked to go along for a, ‘Guest Appearance’, to two out of town shows with two separate comedy companies. I felt flattered, of course, but, at the same time, totally unprepared. However, “No”, is the kiss of death in this industry, and, with ‘stage time’ being such a scarce commodity, I could only say yes!

Time To Sit Back Down!

In the last couple months I’ve learned a few things about doing stand up. I was surprised to find how similar I was, in many ways, to the other comedians; in fact, there is only really one difference between myself and them, and that was, simply, the fact that they are funny!


Julie and I were perhaps a little too scathing in our judgement of the two pros I’d mentioned. We were biased, in that we’d walked out, along with another couple, of one of the big productions put on by these two last summer. However, on subsequent evenings, doing the same or similar material, they both held and entertained the audience; I even caught Julie laughing a few times.

Of the audiences I can’t say enough good things; they were always diverse, and, to my eye, always polite, and willing to put up with quite a bit of tedium for what was sometimes meagre reward. How polite were they? I only got heckled once in seven appearances, despite the fact that I went trolling for that response, even appearing in my kilt, which I figured would be sure fire ‘heckle bait’. The occasion in question occurred when I was making fun of Kinley; a drunk at the back hollered, “Where the ---- is Kinley?” I had not anticipated that response, at that time/material, but am happy to report that I was able to respond in a way that got a laugh from the audience at the expense of neither the heckler nor myself, and at the same time answered his question while dissipating any need he might feel to continue the exchange. The only embarrassment in the incident was that, when I came off the stage, the fellow came over to my table, and was quite loud and effusive in proclaiming how much he’d enjoyed my material.

One uncomfortable moment, (or ten moments that particular night), came with a good audience, but, I’d hardly begun, when I caught the eye of a young lady in the front row, who was looking at me with her head tilted, left eye arched, and mouth agape; an expression best encompassed by what you yourself might make at finding a cockroach in your Corn Flakes! It made me uncomfortable, but, I couldn’t stand there and address the material to just her, so, I worked the crowd, (who seemed happy with everything), and returned to her three separate times. Each time her expression had not changed! For all I know that may be just the face she presents to the world!?!

A friend of mine some years ago decided to launch a career as a professional speaker, and that she was going to give her, “Life is a Carnival”, inspirational speech to the local snowmobile club at their yearend party. When she told me this I said, “Well Mary, it’s a great speech; motivating, with a wealth of intellectual/inspirational material, but, these people are all friends, with a common interest, and they’ll have been drinking on the trails all day, only returning to the club for drinks, dinner, and more drinks. You might be better to do something light, earthy and funny.” When I talked to Mary about a month after her ‘snowmobile club’ debut she didn’t tell me much about her experience, just that she’d, “Never do that kind of gig again!” Mary had failed to consider the needs of her audience, or, as I prefer to say, “She’d put Descartes before de horse!”

‘Funny’ is just what your audience laughs at, and that will change from audience to audience. The failure to laugh is never the fault of the audience; nor is there such a thing as a ‘bad’ audience. If they don’t laugh it is always the ‘fault’ of the comedian; he or she has failed to assess and meet the audiences’ needs.

What have I learned from my time in the bars? Well, I’ve learned that I can enjoy a couple hours in a bar; that’s something I’ve never done. I really don’t like being in a crowd, (it’s much roomier on stage!), and I’ve never liked noisy places. I’ve had reinforced the importance of ‘preparation and perseverance’. In the last two months I’ve seen people show up with confidence and enthusiasm, but no preparation, and consequently, no real shot at perseverance. Three people I’ve seen come out for one night, never to return; in each case it was their first, and, I’d be willing to bet, last time. One fellow, a charming City of Saskatoon Transit driver, came out three times.

As it is, without those four, I’m the opening act, or, if you prefer, the ‘comedic cannon fodder’. Of the regulars there, Paul has been doing Stand Up for three years. Anthony, who just came to Saskatoon from the Yukon, has been doing it for over 5 years. Jody, Myles, Jim and Dez have all been doing Stand Up for several years, and are, to a greater or lesser degree, making a living at it. Ask any of them how they were when they started and they only shake their heads!

Poppin' My Comedic Cherry!

Toastmasters meetings supply us with many things, but, the one thing you can always depend upon is a warm, enthusiastic audience. Oh sure, eventually someone will be invited to stand up and critique your presentation, and after the meeting you will get handed little notes extolling your virtues and/or itemizing you failings; i.e. “You mispronounced Leptodactylous!”, or, “Was the fact that your fly was down an intended part of your presentation?” Most are kinder than others!


All told, the club provides us with a safe comfortable environment where we can test our wings and a huge safety net for those times when we don’t quite fly right! Ideally these would be the same circumstances we would face when we finally attempt standing before an audience in the real world.

I recently was given an opportunity to make my debut appearance on Broadway…. No… not the one in New York, but right here in downtown Saskatoon. It was in a bar and I was to be the first of six Stand Up acts! This was not a Toastmasters crowd.

Now, I have done a little humour in Bars before. But only when I was in High School, and then I was able to take my own audience and therefore my own comfort zone with me. At that time I’d been issued a challenge; how to get a very large number of obviously underage high school students into a bar and served without the benefit of fake ID!

I accomplished this by approaching one of our local establishments and asking to rent one of their banquet rooms for a Roast. They enquired as to whether my group would be remaining at the premises after our event. I assured them that the only way my friends would leave before closing time would be if they were forcibly ejected. “In that case,” the owner smiled, “we won’t charge you rent for the facilities”. It worked very well.

I was a little apprehensive when Julie and I approached the Joint where I was to deliver my Stand up ‘Ice-breaker’; I didn’t want to end up on the rocks! Outside the place were 4 genuinely huge ‘good ol’ boys’, their arms bare in the February cold to better display their Tats!

Inside we took a table one row back at the far right of the stage. Front and centre was a table of five young fellows who were boisterously celebrating something, and appeared to have been celebrating for some time. I was just starting to try and formulate a few funny, ‘shut-up’ lines, to defuse any heckling, when who should walk in and take a seat behind them, than those four nasty looking sets of Tats! “Might have been,” thought I to myself, “a good night to have stayed in Kinley!”

In the end they worked out just fine! By 9:00 there were well over 100 people there. The only annoyance was the fact that I had to stop talking every few seconds because a lot of them were laughing! However, if they see me a couple more times I’m sure they’ll get over that!


It was an interesting line up of speakers. After me there was a charming driver from the Saskatoon Transit system. Not too funny, but a winning personality. Next was a fellow who seemed to have put some thought and polish into his presentation. Next up was an aboriginal fellow who did some awesome impersonations, and a string of ‘Indian’ jokes that were hilarious, but couldn’t be repeated by you or I.

The young fellow who organized the event goes to U of S, and he MC’d for the evening. He was quite good, and did well with the introductions. It was the last two acts that brought disappointment to the evening; and these two the ‘pros’, they do this for a living! I hate to damn anyone with faint praise, but, “Putrid”, is the only word that sums up my opinion and can be used in these pages!

The first wasn’t totally brutal, but, he was very drunk, took every opportunity to brag about how much cocaine he’d ingested, and looked entirely pleased with himself throughout. Then came the main event; this guy went on for 50 minutes in the most homophobic, misogynistic manner possible. The worst thing about it was that he wasn’t funny! Not just with me; he couldn’t hold the audience! He was irritated that people were talking and ignoring him. The four nasty sets of Tats left about 10 minutes into his routine, and he was smart enough not to say anything! Then the 5 young fellows got up to leave, and the performer started heckling them. It was all I could do to hold back my Bride from leaping over our table, storming up on stage and cold-cocking him with a beer bottle!

Genisis of a Comic! (But No Comic Genious !)

When I arrived in Saskatoon there were no ‘Open Mikes’ in all of Saskatchewan. In February of this year an enterprising fellow started one at ‘Vangeli’s Tavern’ on Broadway. I went out, for fun, and gave it a try. I didn’t do well, but I did have fun. I think I went out 6 times, without any prepared material, before it was time to return to work, (In my dictionary, “Stand-up Comic”, is, I believe, a synonym for, ‘unemployed’). The “Refuse To Sit Down” comedy night at Vangeli’s was a success, and they extended their original ten week run to a weekly year round event. The long hours of construction work gave me no time to prepare material, and made it difficult to attend.


In November I became again a stand-up comic, (see synonym definition above), so, in December I made a re-appearance at Vangeli’s. Now I feel I have a feeble grasp of the Art/Craft of Stand-up Comedy, and the onus is on me to produce material, and then, get out there and perform it. So far, I have appeared on stage at Vangeli’s 3 times this year, the 3rd being last night. In this Blog I will attempt to keep you posted on my progress/misadventures as I see how the year unfolds. I wrote up a couple of articles on my thoughts on last year’s experience, and I will include them.